The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.


Report: 78% of Intra-Superhero Battles Due to “Misunderstandings”

By Chase Chapley A report released today by the Superhuman Bureau of Statistics said that 78% of intra-superhero battles are due to “misunderstandings” among the combatants. The SBS researched 50 years of intra-superhero battles from all known battles recorded in their archives, which are widely considered to be the most comprehensive data source for superhuman activities in the world.  They defined “intra-superhero battles” as “consisting of at least two superheroes,” and they included combatants who… Read More

Muskrat and QT(pi)’s Team Up, Somehow, to Stop Giant Teddy Ruxbin

By Buffy Bolivar QUEENS, New York – In one of the strangest, and cutest, team-ups to date, Muskrat and the QTπ’s joined forces to stop a toy monster from rampaging through Queens today. Muskrat, the clawed superhero who specializes in getting dirty, was in Brooklyn today for undisclosed reasons when he heard reports of a monster in Queens.  The QTπ’s, the pre-teen, all-girls superhero team, were at a Mets game in Citi Field when the… Read More

‘Reboot Man’ Caught Impersonating Muskrat

By Buffy Borgeron NEW YORK – Clayman, the superhero more commonly known as “Reboot Man” for the numerous “reboots” he’s experienced, was caught in New York today impersonating fellow superhero Muskrat while stopping a convenience store robbery in Brooklyn. Denied membership in several superhero teams months ago, Ray Denver, now known as Clayman, has been struggling to make a living as a superhero.  He declared he would patrol the Northeast, presumably as himself, to build… Read More

Muskrat Fights Four Supervillains on Same Day, Different Places

by Packie Williams CARTERSON — The Muskrat, Headmaster of The Quinton School for Young Superheroes, solo adventurer, and Peace Force member, has long been one of the most active superheroes for the past 30 years.  An advanced healing system and a superior learning ability have helped him master over 50 different fighting styles and nearly as many languages.  He’s used his skills to defeat hundreds of supervillains and thousands of henchmen on Earth and across… Read More

Another Future Muskrat With Dire Warnings Shows Up in Present

By Packie Williams Ever since the invention of time travel in 1976, people have been using it to give dire warnings of future events to the past.  Today, another future version of the superhero Muskrat has shown up in Tompkins Square proclaiming doom and gloom for the future.  It’s the 12th future Muskrat to date. For some reason, Future Muskrat 12 had a braided beard flowing from under his mask and wore multiple necklaces and… Read More

Nanites Finally Under Control

By Buffy Bolivar The nanite rampage at the Quinton School for Young Superheroes is finally over.  Professor Stratosphere, with assistance from ATOM Labs and Dr. Amazing, were able to find the cause of the nanites’ malfunction and stopped their ceaseless building last night. “It turns out there was some malicious code in their programming,” said Professor Stratosphere.  “I won’t say for certain where the code came from, but I have some guesses on who could’ve… Read More

Carterson Residents Destroy Buildings for Fun and Safety

By Buffy Bolivar The nanites from the Quinton School for Young Superheroes are still rampaging on the campus as students and faculty have set up a rotating schedule for destroying new buildings as they come.  Now, the residents of Carterson have been invited to help out. Headmaster Muskrat has offered some residents to opportunity to vent their frustrations of the nanites by letting them destroy buildings alongside the students and faculty.  “This is more fun… Read More