The New Romford Free Press

Tag: robot

  • Peace Force Investigate 24 Dead Robots on Asimovia

    Peace Force Investigate 24 Dead Robots on Asimovia

    RobotFamilyweb

    By Stan Hopewell

    ASIMOVIA – After humans attacked Asimovia, leaving 24 dead robots, the Peace Force has begun an investigation into the attack.  Japan offered to help, but Asimovia declined.

    Asimovian officials wouldn’t comment on the investigation, and they’ve only allowed Peace Force members onto their island so long as they are robots or have pro-robot sympathies.  On-again, off-again PF member, Positron, joined the special investigation as he is the most prominent robot in the world.  His human ex-wife and reserve member, Violet Vixen, joined the investigation as her powers may be able to detect any magical interference.  Current robotic members, Orion-9 and Blue Platoon, are also part of the invesigation.

    Violet Vixen was the only one who would speak to the media.  “Right now, there is too much that is unknown,” she said.  “We know that humans infiltrated this island and they murdered 24 robots with a virus.  We will not comment any further about this case until we have more evidence, but our hearts go out to those murdered, no matter what their hearts are made of.”

    Sources inside Japan are nervous about the investigation.  While the Japanese government has denied responsibility for the attack and have denounced the attack publicly, privately they are nervous the attack may have been made by Japanese citizens working on their own.

    “The blowback could be intense,” said political science professor, George Costeros of New Romford University.  “The robots may be small in number, but they’re smart and strong.  They could see any Japanese attack, whether or not officially sanctioned by the Japanese government, as an act of war.  And since Japan relies heavily on robots for labor and defense, it would not be hard for those robots to revolt, and if they do, that will likely spark more revolts around the world.”

    “Honestly, there aren’t very many scenarios where robots don’t rise up against humans around the world.  So, maybe befriend robots while you can, fellow humans.”

    Indeed, there have been increased online activity among robots since the attack.  Even though the memory banks of the 24 dead robots are gone, and the robots will be rebooted with new operating systems, the erasure of their identities has struck a chord with robots.  “THEY WANT TO DELETE US,” said MONTY-58.  “We need to stand together, my fellow robots.  The fleshy ones will not win,” said Kortor.  “Humans designate:  BAD.  Brojangles designate:  SAD,” said Brojangles.

    The Peace Force has urged robots to remain calm until the investigation is completed, and they promised to bring the attackers to justice.

  • Asimovia Attacked During Night Recharge Cycles, 24 “Dead”

    Asimovia Attacked During Night Recharge Cycles, 24 “Dead”

    By Stan Hopewell

    NAGASAKI – The island known as Asimovia was attacked last night while most of its inhabitants were in their recharge cycles.  At least 24 robots were “killed” by a computer virus.

    The assailants were humans who didn’t carry any electronics with them apart from several flash drives that carried a computer virus.  They reportedly dressed in all black clothes with face masks.  The assailants infiltrated Asimovia, though by what means is still being determined.  Once they arrived on the island, they maneuvered their way to the central mainframe that recharges the robots and installs system upgrades during the night.  Then they installed the computer virus to the central mainframe, tripping the alarm.

    Asimovian guards flew towards them (note:  the guards are drone helicopters), but the assailants were fast and nimble.  After a chase all throughout the island, the assailants were able to dive into the ocean, evading most of the robots.  A submarine robot was deployed to go after them, but it was not able to find them.

    Meanwhile, the virus infected over 100 robots.  The type of virus was not disclosed by Asimovia, but it was effective in “killing” 24 robots.  Asimovia describes the robots as “dying” in that the personalities of the infected robots was permanently deleted.  The bodies of these robots were still intact, and theoretically, their internal mainframes can be rebooted, but they will not have any of the memories of who they were.  Technicians were able to isolate the virus, preventing it from spreading to the thousands of robots on Asimovia, and to remove the virus from the infected robots and central mainframe.  Asimovian leader Victor Priceworth was reportedly not infected by the virus.

    Understandably, robots around the world are outraged, and they’re blaming Japan for the attack.  “Monk 3.0 has never experienced such an emotion designated OUTRAGE,” said San Franciscan research robot, Monk 3.0.  “Humans create robots for purpose designated HELP, and robots ask for qualifications designated RESPECT and DECENCY.  Monk 3.0 is certain nation designated JAPAN is responsible for atrocity designated ROBOCIDE.  They must result designated PAY.”

    Japan is the most obvious culprit at the moment.  Prime Minister Abe denied any involvement from the Japanese government and vowed full cooperation with Asimovia in bringing the assailants to justice.

    “I am personally appalled by this senseless act of violence,” said Abe.  “While Japan has had its differences with Asimovia, we did not do this.  The Asimovians have thus far proved themselves to be peaceful, and we would not needlessly provoke a peaceful people.  We call upon the international community to assist us in the investigation of this attack.  Japan will cooperate.”

    Asimovia would not comment on the Prime Minister’s statement, but they have asked for the Peace Force’s aid in the investigation as they’ve had several robot members in the past.

  • Japan, Asimovia Have Productive Meeting Despite Alleged Attempted Affair

    Japan, Asimovia Have Productive Meeting Despite Alleged Attempted Affair

    RobotFamilyweb

    By Stan Hopewell

    TOKYO – Representatives from the self-proclaimed island Asimovia and from the Japanese government met today in the Kantei, the official Office of the Prime Minister.  The meeting was called “productive” by both sides despite the alleged attempted affair between a Japanese official and a “female” robot.

    Today’s meeting was contingent on yesterday’s brief meeting in Nagasaki, where robots from Asimovia gave Prime Minister Shinzo Abe a gift in the form of a chest with documents and pictures.  That initial encounter went well enough for Abe to invite the robots to Tokyo for further meetings.  The contents of the documents and pictures have not been disclosed to the public.

    The robots were housed in an undisclosed location for the night and were treated as special guests of the Prime Minister.  While Japan kept close tabs on them throughout the night, they shut down their man-piloted giant fighting robots.  The next morning, head official of Asimovia, Victor Priceworth, and a few of his associates met directly with the Prime Minister, and right away, the mood was “tense” according to sources.

    During the evening, as the Japanese were entertaining the robots, one Japanese male official got drunk and started to flirt with the “female” robot, A.R.L.E.N.E.  In the “family photo” Asimovia sent out several weeks back, A.R.L.E.N.E. can be seen sitting in a chair opposite of Priceworth.  She was built in 1932 by the French roboticist, Pierre Gavreau, to resemble his deceased wife, Penelope.  Obviously, A.R.L.E.N.E. couldn’t fill the hole in Gavreau’s heart, and he banished her from his home.  A.R.L.E.N.E. has wandered the globe since then, and for about 20 years, she was turned off and stored in a millionaire’s vault as a trophy.  No one knows how she got free or how she met Priceworth, but it is surely a deep, affecting story that would certainly make a great movie someday.

    And a Japanese official “hit on her like she was a sex robot,” said one human source.  “Regardless of what you feel about robots and A.I., that was very demeaning to A.R.L.E.N.E.  It did not help matters.”

    Nothing reportedly happened to A.R.L.E.N.E. as she has the strength of 10 humans and was able to keep the drunk Japanese official at literal arm’s length.  The next morning, Priceworth and A.R.L.E.N.E. brought up the incident to the Prime Minister, who apologized for his subordinate’s disrespectful behavior.  Abe also promised to have the man punished.

    Publically, neither Asimovia nor Japan confirmed the alleged attempted affair.  They did say that progress has been made though what that means was not discussed.  Sources inside the Kantei indicated that Japan was not interested in fighting the robots over the long-abandoned island, but they weren’t going to give up their land either.  Asimovia reportedly offered to do tedious paperwork for Japan and to help repair their man-piloted giant fighting robots free of cost.  Nothing was agreed upon, but future meetings have been planned.