The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.

Twin Cities’

Twin Cities Returning to Normal

By Skip Daverman MINNEAPOLIS – After the month-long nightmare of the sentient bickering mouths, the Twin Cities are finally returning to normal, and making some money along the way. The damage caused by the mouths, which became sentient due to the evil sorcerer, Nilrem, was not as extensive as previously thought.  The damage to the infrastructure was limited.  Only about 30 streets in both cities combined needed repairs, and surprisingly, around 120 buildings were damages… Read More

Magicimo Captures Nilrem

By Skip Daverman WICHITA – The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® captured the evil sorcerer Nilrem today outside of Wichita, Kansas, in a magic battle that temporarily decimated the Kansan landscape. Nilrem, the evil mirror image of the ancient sorcerer, Merlin, was conjuring up his patented Odanrots for fun in the small town of Wellington, just south of Wichita.  Odanrots, of course, are reverse tornadoes.  Instead of sucking things into its vortex, Odanrots spew wind outwards.  How… Read More

The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® Puts Twin Cities to Sleep

By Skip Daverman MINNEAPOLIS – After several weeks of interminable bickering, the sentient mouths of the Twin Cities have finally been put to sleep by The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®. Since the giant mouths started yelling at each other, scientists from all over the world have been lending their support in finding out what exactly made the Twin Cities sentient and rowdy.  No one could come up with an answer.  “It was clearly not the work… Read More

Twin Cities Become Ghost Towns to Avoid Mouths

By Skip Daverman MINNEAPOLIS – Several weeks since the giant mouths appeared, the Twin Cities have become ghost towns as residents have left and businesses have shut down. “It’s just not worth it,” said Starbucks manager, Todd Kemp, whose shop is a mile from the Minneapolis mouth.  “The mouths yell sporadically throughout the day.  There’s just no peace and quiet anymore, and no one is here.  I have bad enough hearing as it is.” Residents… Read More

Twin Cities Continue to Bicker, Rupture Ear Drums

By Skip Daverman MINNEAPOLIS – The Twin Cities have continued their bickering since they became sentient two days ago.  Crowds are gathering around to see the mouths for themselves, but at their own peril. University of Minnesota scientists and both city police forces have cordoned off several blocks around the mouths, both to monitor their continued bickering and to protect curious residents.  “The decibel levels are typically in the 90s,” said physics Professor John Stockman. … Read More

Twin Cities Become Sentient, Bicker

By Skip Daverman MINNEAPOLIS – The Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul were engulfed in a mysterious yellow light earlier today, and as a result, the Twin Cities became sentient and started to bicker. Scientists from the University of Minnesota were baffled as to the origin of the yellow light and about its curious effect.  “This is just crazy,” biology professor, Laura Stern said.  “The cities aren’t living organisms.  They’re inanimate objects, and on… Read More