By Falco Rockbert
NEW YORK – In a bizarre turn in a long-running saga of bizarre turns, Donald Trump has physically emancipated the hair creature from the top of his head. In public, no less.
Trump’s hair sued Trump a week ago, surprising practically everyone because it was not known that Trump’s hair was a sentient creature. It revealed as much to the world, and that’s its name is Jimmy Gold. It also revealed, via lawsuit, that it was a part owner in The Trump Organization for many years. The lawsuit contends that Trump “grossly mismanaged” the company in his many failed attempts to disparage President Obama. It wants monetary reparations and emancipation from Trump’s head.
While neither Gold nor Trump made any comment after the announcement, they were attached to one another. Trump hadn’t made any public appearances yet (and thus, neither had Gold), but sources inside of Trump Tower indicate that the two had be fighting ever since. Today, Trump and Gold were out on the sidewalk in front of Trump Tower, just about to enter a car, when an argument overtook them.
Trump reportedly yelled and pointed into his reflection in the window so that he could look Gold directly into what are presumably its eyes or face. Gold flapped itself up and down, and somehow that was how he yelled back. For nearly ten minutes they fought. Naturally, a crowd formed around them, and many people pulled out their phones to record the incident.
The fight ended when Trump ripped Gold from his head, threw it onto the ground, and said, “You’re fired!” The crowd roared as Trump entered his car and Gold ran from the scene with little feet made of hair.
Neither side would comment on the fight, but it’s clear that Gold will have to revise its lawsuit, possibly adding wrongful termination to its list of complaints.