By Falco Rockbert
NEW YORK – While avoiding serious charges for his faulty psychic detector stunt, Donald Trump caused a blackout in New York City and New Jersey yesterday while powering up his Trump Portal Detector.
Continuing his fruitless pursuit to prove President Obama is an imposter, Trump was building a portal detector in his Trump Tower. The aim was to determine if Obama was from another dimension and to undermine his eligibility for president. Beings from alternate dimensions are closely monitored by the U.N. and the global science community at large, and such beings emit an “aura” of ionic residue that is different from our dimension, which makes them easy to detect. No one has raised any concerns about President Obama or his staff, yet that hasn’t convinced Trump.
“Of course, they’re going to say they’re clean,” said Trump. “They’re in cahoots with one another. Only me and my Trump Portal Detector are truly independent, and I can assure the American people that I will get to the bottom of this.”
Then Trump turned on his machine and shorted out the power grid of New York and northeastern New Jersey. Thankfully, it was in the middle of the day, so damage was minimal, though several traffic accidents were reported. Remembering the blackout of 2003, most New Yorkers took the inconvenience in stride. Needless to say, the Trump Portal Detector didn’t work.
Power was eventually returned within hours, and New York and New Jersey got back to work. Trump wouldn’t comment after the incident, and the NYPD is reportedly investigating this as a misdemeanor.