The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Dukes

  • Mysterious Thefts Continue Even After Dino-Day Disaster

    Mysterious Thefts Continue Even After Dino-Day Disaster

    By Packie Williams

    In what can only be described as adding insult to injury, the mysterious thefts plaguing the neighborhoods of Dukes have continued even after the Dino-Day Disaster.

    Andrew and Marshall Parks of Essex Town reported that their house was damaged in the Disaster, but nothing of value was missing.  “We were just getting settled in,” said Andrew.  “We patched up part of the roof and made sure our doors and windows locked like normal, and then we wake up this morning to find that all our jewelry and money was missing.  And the doors and windows were still locked.”

    Several houses in Essex Town reported similar thefts, all on the same night.  The NRPD are now investigating this as a superhuman crime spree.  “That’s the most likely conclusion,” said Police Commissioner Trombeau.  “Everything points to a superhuman using his or her powers to invade these homes and steal money and valuables from unsuspecting residents.  Whether or not last night’s thefts have any connection to the other series of supposed thefts from the past couple months cannot be determined at this time.  One of the perpetrators could a man with a mind-control device on his head, and the other could be a smoke monster with psychotropic powers.  It’s difficult to tell.”

    A ghost has also been proposed as a possible suspect as some currently inhabit the city, and they may be vengeful, as ghosts generally are.

    Regardless, who or whatever has committed these thefts clearly doesn’t care about the recent Disaster these residents have experienced.  “I mean, we were some really tiny dinosaurs,” said Marsha Parks.  “Really really tiny.  It was all we could do to not get squished.  And now, we think we’re out of the woods, and this happens.”

    “Sometimes I wonder why we still live in this city.”

  • Mysterious Thefts Continue

    Mysterious Thefts Continue

    By Packie Williams

    The mysterious thefts that have plagued eastern Dukes for the past two weeks has continued with an apparent new twist:  residents’ bank accounts.

    August Hills resident, Jerry Minor, went to his bank and cashed his savings account in excess of $12,000.  Security cameras show him entering the WinMac branch on 19th Avenue, alone, and leaving with two suitcases full of money.  But Minor has no memory of this nor of where the money went.

    “I thought I was going crazy,” he said.  “I was checking my account online and saw the withdrawal.  Needless to say, I was shocked and immediately called the bank.  When they said I came in and withdrew the money, I thought it was some sort of joke, but then I saw the video.  I swear, I do not remember this.”

    Minor’s account was the first of three separate incidents, all residents of the wealthy August Hills neighborhood.  Selma Negras reported withdrawing $8,000, and Charles Tobin reported withdrawing $9,000.  Both did not remember a thing.

    The NRPD has told all banks to be suspicious of any suspicious withdrawals, even if it’s made by the owner of the accounts.  Police Commissioner Trombeau advised all New Romford residents to keep an eye on their money and valuables during the investigation.  When asked if a superhuman could be behind this, he said, “I wouldn’t rule it out.”

  • Mysterious Thefts Continue

    Mysterious Thefts Continue

    By Packie Williams

    The mysterious thefts that have plagued eastern Dukes for the past two weeks has continued with an apparent new twist:  residents’ bank accounts.

    August Hills resident, Jerry Minor, went to his bank and cashed his savings account in excess of $12,000.  Security cameras show him entering the WinMac branch on 19th Avenue, alone, and leaving with two suitcases full of money.  But Minor has no memory of this nor of where the money went.

    “I thought I was going crazy,” he said.  “I was checking my account online and saw the withdrawal.  Needless to say, I was shocked and immediately called the bank.  When they said I came in and withdrew the money, I thought it was some sort of joke, but then I saw the video.  I swear, I do not remember this.”

    Minor’s account was the first of three separate incidents, all residents of the wealthy August Hills neighborhood.  Selma Negras reported withdrawing $8,000, and Charles Tobin reported withdrawing $9,000.  Both did not remember a thing.

    The NRPD has told all banks to be suspicious of any suspicious withdrawals, even if it’s made by the owner of the accounts.  Police Commissioner Trombeau advised all New Romford residents to keep an eye on their money and valuables during the investigation.  When asked if a superhuman could be behind this, he said, “I wouldn’t rule it out.”

  • Mysterious Thefts Plague Dukes

    Mysterious Thefts Plague Dukes

    By Packie Williams

    On the east end of Dukes, residents are mystified about a rash of thefts that have plagued their borough.  From Cloonyn to the University District to Gray Hills, residents are finding their valuables gone with no apparent signs of a break-in.

    “I was just checking up on some bonds in my personal safe,” said Cloonyn resident Al Shapiro, “and after I opened it, it was there and then it wasn’t.  I know that doesn’t make any sense, but it was like someone was behind me and took them.”  The NRPD checked for fingerprints or other clues and came up empty.

    Similar home thefts were reported in the wealthy neighborhood of August Hills.  At least a dozen residents have lost jewelry, cash, and even gold from their personal safes over the past couple weeks.  What’s even stranger is that their home security cameras show no signs of intruders.  But there appears to be tampering with the camera footage, and only the residents know where their camera’s hard drives are located.

    “I keep mine in a secure location,” said Janice Roberts.  “Only me and my husband know where it is, and the password, and he’s been on a business trip in London for the past month.  I’m at my wits’ end trying to figure out how anyone could do this.”

    Other than tampered security footage, the police have no leads.  So far there have been 19 reported incidents across Dukes, all following a similar pattern.  Residents are urged to keep track of their valuables on a daily basis, invest in motion sensors, and if necessary, hide their valuables someplace where only they can access.