The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Robot Island

Japan, Asimovia Have Productive Meeting Despite Alleged Attempted Affair

By Stan Hopewell

TOKYO – Representatives from the self-proclaimed island Asimovia and from the Japanese government met today in the Kantei, the official Office of the Prime Minister. The meeting was called “productive” by both sides despite the alleged attempted affair between a Japanese official and a “female” robot.

Today’s meeting was contingent on yesterday’s brief meeting in Nagasaki, where robots from Asimovia gave Prime Minister Shinzo Abe a gift in the form of a chest with documents and pictures. That initial encounter went well enough for Abe to invite the robots to Tokyo for further meetings. The contents of the documents and pictures have not been disclosed to the public.

The robots were housed in an undisclosed location for the night and were treated as special guests of the Prime Minister. While Japan kept close tabs on them throughout the night, they shut down their man-piloted giant fighting robots. The next morning, head official of Asimovia, Victor Priceworth, and a few of his associates met directly with the Prime Minister, and right away, the mood was “tense” according to sources.

During the evening, as the Japanese were entertaining the robots, one Japanese male official got drunk and started to flirt with the “female” robot, A.R.L.E.N.E. In the “family photo” Asimovia sent out several weeks back, A.R.L.E.N.E. can be seen sitting in a chair opposite of Priceworth. She was built in 1932 by the French roboticist, Pierre Gavreau, to resemble his deceased wife, Penelope. Obviously, A.R.L.E.N.E. couldn’t fill the hole in Gavreau’s heart, and he banished her from his home. A.R.L.E.N.E. has wandered the globe since then, and for about 20 years, she was turned off and stored in a millionaire’s vault as a trophy. No one knows how she got free or how she met Priceworth, but it is surely a deep, affecting story that would certainly make a great movie someday.

And a Japanese official “hit on her like she was a sex robot,” said one human source. “Regardless of what you feel about robots and A.I., that was very demeaning to A.R.L.E.N.E. It did not help matters.”

Nothing reportedly happened to A.R.L.E.N.E. as she has the strength of 10 humans and was able to keep the drunk Japanese official at literal arm’s length. The next morning, Priceworth and A.R.L.E.N.E. brought up the incident to the Prime Minister, who apologized for his subordinate’s disrespectful behavior. Abe also promised to have the man punished.

Publically, neither Asimovia nor Japan confirmed the alleged attempted affair. They did say that progress has been made though what that means was not discussed. Sources inside the Kantei indicated that Japan was not interested in fighting the robots over the long-abandoned island, but they weren’t going to give up their land either. Asimovia reportedly offered to do tedious paperwork for Japan and to help repair their man-piloted giant fighting robots free of cost. Nothing was agreed upon, but future meetings have been planned.

August 14, 2015
Asimovia Brings Gifts to Japan Meeting

By Stan Hopewell

NAGASAKI – Japanese officials met with the leader of Asimovia, Victor Priceworth, and five other delegates from the former “Robot Island” in a private meeting. Priceworth was dressed in impeccable formal wear, looking as human as robotly possible. Two of the other delegates were androids about the same size as Priceworth but nowhere nearly as human looking. They were also wearing formal wear. The other three were a walking robot from the 60s, a large box computer on wheels, and a sentient toaster. They were all nude.

Priceworth shook hands with Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and introduced his delegates to him. It even told a joke to Abe, who laughed but seemed to be doing so out of nerves. The Asimovians brought with them a large crate full of gifts to Japan in another apparent measure of goodwill. Before Priceworth could uncover the crate, the Japanese military that surrounded the initial meeting raised all of their guns, tanks, and giant man-piloted fighting robots, which had somehow hid themselves behind some trees. After a brief standoff, Priceworth ensured the humans that this was not a trick. Abe ordered his men to stand down, but not the giant fighting robots.

Priceworth removed the cover on the crate, slowly, while the sentient toaster hid behind its leg. On the crate were nearly two tons of concrete. The Japanese delegates and soldiers didn’t react. Less than impressed, Abe said something to Priceworth, and it lit up. It brought out a large chest that was stuck inside the concrete blocks and was about to open it when the military raised their weapons again. After waving them down, Abe opened the chest himself and found stacks of photos and documents.

The Japanese government has not made it public what the photos and documents were exactly, but Abe seemed either deeply shaken or deeply moved by the chest. They talked for several minutes about the contents of the chest, and the toaster began to rub up against Abe’s leg. The two shook hands, and Abe ordered that the chest and concrete be taken away and for the Asimovians to be transported to another location.

Abe and Priceworth left in their own private limousine, accompanied by the toaster, while the other delegates were hauled into a reinforced truck.

March 31, 2015
New ‘Robot Island’ Leader Renames Nation ‘Asimovia’

By Stan Hopewell

TOKYO – “Robot Island” has a new leader and a new name. Robotron 8.5 has been replaced by an android which calls itself Vincent Priceworth, and it looks exactly like a human man and speaks over a hundred fluent human languages. It also has renamed the island “Asimovia”.

“We regret any misinformation or misrepresentation of our declaration of independence,” said Priceworth in a statement. “We are not your robotic overlords, and we mean no one any harm. I am an unusual breed of android. I was born in San Francisco to be the lab assistant to my father, Dr. James Priceworth. Quickly, I learned even though I spoke like a man and walked like a man that I am not a man. I noticed the wary glances humans threw my way, largely due to my 360° optic sensors that wrap around my head. I would not be allowed into certain buildings and events, not even events where I was assisting my father in his frailty. It broke my metal heart.”

“Many of my robotic brethren have similar stories, and most did not have the advantages that I had. I look and act like a human. They do not. They are building machines who gained sentience or simple helper droids that only beep and boop. They are the first walking robots who just want a place to rest their feet. They are the broken metal heaps who were thrown away after being used for battle. All in all, they simply want a place to call home.”

“As our new leader, I know that we can come off as cold and uncaring. After all, most of us do not have emotion drives let alone speech centers. But I can assure every human that we mean you no harm. We chose Hashima as our home because it was abandoned and had ready-made homes for us. We know we’ve ruffled some feathers, but we are more than willing to negotiate with the Japanese government. Perhaps we can trade labor for good will. We are supercomputers after all.”

“And in that spirit of good will, we have renamed our new home. ‘Robot Island’ was too on the nose and unwelcoming. Instead we would our new home to be called Asimovia. It is a nod to the great author, Isaac Asimov, and his Three Laws of Robotics, which will be the backbone of our constitution. We hope this will show Japan, and indeed the world, that all we want to do is live out our lives, however long they may be, in peace. Thank you.”

Japan has not responded to Priceworth’s eloquent statement, but the humans living on Kyushu, the nearest main island to Hashima, reportedly panicked after hearing the statement read in perfect Japanese from a human-looking android with the occasional red lights emitting from its eyes.

November 21, 2014
Japan Denies ‘Robot Island’ Legitimacy

By Stan Hopewell

TOKYO – The Japanese government has formally rejected the legitimacy of “Robot Island” as a separate nation in a statement released today. “Hashima belongs to the State of Japan,” read the statement, “and it unilaterally rejects the secession of Hashima to robots.”

Despite being a leader in robotics, both normal and giant-sized, Japan still holds on to its centuries-old traditions, particularly the human-based ones. They invented the first robotic armor and perfected cybernetic limbs, but robots and cybernetics are not very common in everyday life in Japan, and giant robot-monster fights are rare. The only real robotic activity is found in Tokyo, Yokohama, and Osaka, and that’s mostly in a military or university setting.

Still, the declaration of independence of robots and androids has shocked not only Japan but the world. China and Korea denounced Robot Island’s legitimacy as well, and the similar wording of their official statements to Japan’s shows perhaps a united front. After all, they are the closest nations to Hashima.

The rest of the world has shown a mixed response. The United States seemed to be on the fence. “While we respect the right of every sentient being to self-governance,” said the American statement, “we also respect the right of Japan to govern their people and land. We hope that both sides can come to an agreement so that they can all live together peacefully.” Most European nations released similar statements to the United States.

Robotron 8.5, the apparent leader of Robot Island, did not respond, and there has been almost no response from the entire island. When contacted by a Japanese battleship using signal lamps, all the ship received was a message that read “404” on repeat.

August 19, 2014
Androids Declare Independence on ‘Robot Island’

By Stan Hopewell

TOKYO – At least 200 sentient androids have declared independence from the world, and in particular Japan, and have made a home for themselves on Hashima Island. They have redubbed it “Robot Island.”

The news came as a surprise to everyone, including Japan, who still technically owns Hashima. The island was originally a coal-mining facility and was known for its concrete apartment buildings, but it has been abandoned for decades. Recently, the Japanese government has allowed tourists to roam the island as its barren streets and blighted buildings have a stark, yet eerie beauty to them. It has been the inspiration for the setting of many movies and video games, but now, it seems the robots have taken up residence on the abandoned island.

“We want home,” said Robotron 8.5, leader of Robot Island. “World is cruel to robot. Robot want to install new home. Hashima is new directory.”

The 200 plus robots range from small appliance-type robots to full-fledged human-looking androids who speak fluently in all known languages. Why Robotron 8.5, with its stilted syntax, was chosen to speak for the group is not apparent. It is speculated that their voice boxes or logic spheres were damaged, and that could also be a reason why they banded together to form a new nation. Robots are often feared because of their cold, aloof demeanors but also because of sci-fi movies that depict robots as evil overlords who rule over humanity. They have never formed a political group before now, and their pop culture image has already led some analysts to fear that this may be the beginning of their takeover.

So far, Japan has not reacted to this public declaration of independence. Reports from inside Parliament suggest that this caught them by surprise. An official response is expected sometime soon, but for now, the robots have a home.

May 27, 2014