The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Asimovia

Report: Werewolves Tried to Form Coalition with Pacifica, Asimovia

By Skip Daverman

CLUJ – In a bold move, the Lupine Nation in Transylvania tried, and failed, to form a coalition with the aspiring nations of Pacifica and Asimovia a week ago.

The report, published in a Transylvanian newspaper, showed several emails, texts, and phone conversations initiated by the Lupine Nation, which represents the werewolf population in Transylvania. The conversations were sent out to leaders in the underwater nation of Pacifica, which is working to secede from Atlantis, and the robotic nation of Asimovia, which claimed an abandoned Japanese island as its home. Feeling a kinship with both, several representatives from the Lupine Nation, including leader, Dinu Nicolescu, approached each nation with a coalition proposal.

“Friends, let us work together for freedom,” said one Lupine email. “We all seek self-determination from our oppressive governments. Alone, we can only do so much. Together, we can achieve so much more!”

Both Pacifica and Asimovia denied the proposals several times. Pacifica is currently dealing with an Laval attack possibly coordinated by Atlantis, and Asimovia was attacked by a human-made computer virus. “Have you not read the news, dogs?” said one Pacifican text message. “Go chew on a bone, mongrel.” The Asimovians were even less subtle. “QUERY ANSWER DESIGNATION: NO MEATBAG.”

Lupine Nation leader, Dinu Nicolescu, has denied the report, despite the IP addresses being linked to Transylvanian locations. “We have not made any sort of proposal,” he said in a statement. “If they did come from Transylvania, then they were not authorized by me or the Lupine Nation. Someone with nefarious intent did this to frame us. We want independence, yes, but we have not asked for outside help in this manner.”

The Transylvanian government, and in particular Prime Minister Dracula himself, has not responded to this report, though sources inside Parliament have noted that Dracula was drinking more blood than normal after reading the report.

August 16, 2016
Peace Force Investigate 24 Dead Robots on Asimovia

By Stan Hopewell

ASIMOVIA – After humans attacked Asimovia, leaving 24 dead robots, the Peace Force has begun an investigation into the attack. Japan offered to help, but Asimovia declined.

Asimovian officials wouldn’t comment on the investigation, and they’ve only allowed Peace Force members onto their island so long as they are robots or have pro-robot sympathies. On-again, off-again PF member, Positron, joined the special investigation as he is the most prominent robot in the world. His human ex-wife and reserve member, Violet Vixen, joined the investigation as her powers may be able to detect any magical interference. Current robotic members, Orion-9 and Blue Platoon, are also part of the invesigation.

Violet Vixen was the only one who would speak to the media. “Right now, there is too much that is unknown,” she said. “We know that humans infiltrated this island and they murdered 24 robots with a virus. We will not comment any further about this case until we have more evidence, but our hearts go out to those murdered, no matter what their hearts are made of.”

Sources inside Japan are nervous about the investigation. While the Japanese government has denied responsibility for the attack and have denounced the attack publicly, privately they are nervous the attack may have been made by Japanese citizens working on their own.

“The blowback could be intense,” said political science professor, George Costeros of New Romford University. “The robots may be small in number, but they’re smart and strong. They could see any Japanese attack, whether or not officially sanctioned by the Japanese government, as an act of war. And since Japan relies heavily on robots for labor and defense, it would not be hard for those robots to revolt, and if they do, that will likely spark more revolts around the world.”

“Honestly, there aren’t very many scenarios where robots don’t rise up against humans around the world. So, maybe befriend robots while you can, fellow humans.”

Indeed, there have been increased online activity among robots since the attack. Even though the memory banks of the 24 dead robots are gone, and the robots will be rebooted with new operating systems, the erasure of their identities has struck a chord with robots. “THEY WANT TO DELETE US,” said MONTY-58. “We need to stand together, my fellow robots. The fleshy ones will not win,” said Kortor. “Humans designate: BAD. Brojangles designate: SAD,” said Brojangles.

The Peace Force has urged robots to remain calm until the investigation is completed, and they promised to bring the attackers to justice.

July 29, 2016
Report: Werewolves Tried to Form Coalition with Pacifica, Asimovia

By Skip Daverman

CLUJ – In a bold move, the Lupine Nation in Transylvania tried, and failed, to form a coalition with the aspiring nations of Pacifica and Asimovia a week ago.

The report, published in a Transylvanian newspaper, showed several emails, texts, and phone conversations initiated by the Lupine Nation, which represents the werewolf population in Transylvania. The conversations were sent out to leaders in the underwater nation of Pacifica, which is working to secede from Atlantis, and the robotic nation of Asimovia, which claimed an abandoned Japanese island as its home. Feeling a kinship with both, several representatives from the Lupine Nation, including leader, Dinu Nicolescu, approached each nation with a coalition proposal.

“Friends, let us work together for freedom,” said one Lupine email. “We all seek self-determination from our oppressive governments. Alone, we can only do so much. Together, we can achieve so much more!”

Both Pacifica and Asimovia denied the proposals several times. Pacifica is currently dealing with a Laval attack possibly coordinated by Atlantis, and Asimovia was attacked by a human-made computer virus. “Have you not read the news, dogs?” said one Pacifican text message. “Go chew on a bone, mongrel.” The Asimovians were even less subtle. “QUERY ANSWER DESIGNATION: NO MEATBAG.”

Lupine Nation leader, Dinu Nicolescu, has denied the report, despite the IP addresses being linked to Transylvanian locations. “We have not made any sort of proposal,” he said in a statement. “If they did come from Transylvania, then they were not authorized by me or the Lupine Nation. Someone with nefarious intent did this to frame us. We want independence, yes, but we have not asked for outside help in this manner.”

The Transylvanian government, and in particular Prime Minister Dracula himself, has not responded to this report, though sources inside Parliament have noted that Dracula was drinking more blood than normal after reading the report.

March 29, 2016
Asimovia Attacked During Night Recharge Cycles, 24 “Dead”

By Stan Hopewell

NAGASAKI – The island known as Asimovia was attacked last night while most of its inhabitants were in their recharge cycles. At least 24 robots were “killed” by a computer virus.

The assailants were humans who didn’t carry any electronics with them apart from several flash drives that carried a computer virus. They reportedly dressed in all black clothes with face masks. The assailants infiltrated Asimovia, though by what means is still being determined. Once they arrived on the island, they maneuvered their way to the central mainframe that recharges the robots and installs system upgrades during the night. Then they installed the computer virus to the central mainframe, tripping the alarm.

Asimovian guards flew towards them (note: the guards are drone helicopters), but the assailants were fast and nimble. After a chase all throughout the island, the assailants were able to dive into the ocean, evading most of the robots. A submarine robot was deployed to go after them, but it was not able to find them.

Meanwhile, the virus infected over 100 robots. The type of virus was not disclosed by Asimovia, but it was effective in “killing” 24 robots. Asimovia describes the robots as “dying” in that the personalities of the infected robots was permanently deleted. The bodies of these robots were still intact, and theoretically, their internal mainframes can be rebooted, but they will not have any of the memories of who they were. Technicians were able to isolate the virus, preventing it from spreading to the thousands of robots on Asimovia, and to remove the virus from the infected robots and central mainframe. Asimovian leader Victor Priceworth was reportedly not infected by the virus.

Understandably, robots around the world are outraged, and they’re blaming Japan for the attack. “Monk 3.0 has never experienced such an emotion designated OUTRAGE,” said San Franciscan research robot, Monk 3.0. “Humans create robots for purpose designated HELP, and robots ask for qualifications designated RESPECT and DECENCY. Monk 3.0 is certain nation designated JAPAN is responsible for atrocity designated ROBOCIDE. They must result designated PAY.”

Japan is the most obvious culprit at the moment. Prime Minister Abe denied any involvement from the Japanese government and vowed full cooperation with Asimovia in bringing the assailants to justice.

“I am personally appalled by this senseless act of violence,” said Abe. “While Japan has had its differences with Asimovia, we did not do this. The Asimovians have thus far proved themselves to be peaceful, and we would not needlessly provoke a peaceful people. We call upon the international community to assist us in the investigation of this attack. Japan will cooperate.”

Asimovia would not comment on the Prime Minister’s statement, but they have asked for the Peace Force’s aid in the investigation as they’ve had several robot members in the past.

February 19, 2016
Japan, Asimovia Have Productive Meeting Despite Alleged Attempted Affair

By Stan Hopewell

TOKYO – Representatives from the self-proclaimed island Asimovia and from the Japanese government met today in the Kantei, the official Office of the Prime Minister. The meeting was called “productive” by both sides despite the alleged attempted affair between a Japanese official and a “female” robot.

Today’s meeting was contingent on yesterday’s brief meeting in Nagasaki, where robots from Asimovia gave Prime Minister Shinzo Abe a gift in the form of a chest with documents and pictures. That initial encounter went well enough for Abe to invite the robots to Tokyo for further meetings. The contents of the documents and pictures have not been disclosed to the public.

The robots were housed in an undisclosed location for the night and were treated as special guests of the Prime Minister. While Japan kept close tabs on them throughout the night, they shut down their man-piloted giant fighting robots. The next morning, head official of Asimovia, Victor Priceworth, and a few of his associates met directly with the Prime Minister, and right away, the mood was “tense” according to sources.

During the evening, as the Japanese were entertaining the robots, one Japanese male official got drunk and started to flirt with the “female” robot, A.R.L.E.N.E. In the “family photo” Asimovia sent out several weeks back, A.R.L.E.N.E. can be seen sitting in a chair opposite of Priceworth. She was built in 1932 by the French roboticist, Pierre Gavreau, to resemble his deceased wife, Penelope. Obviously, A.R.L.E.N.E. couldn’t fill the hole in Gavreau’s heart, and he banished her from his home. A.R.L.E.N.E. has wandered the globe since then, and for about 20 years, she was turned off and stored in a millionaire’s vault as a trophy. No one knows how she got free or how she met Priceworth, but it is surely a deep, affecting story that would certainly make a great movie someday.

And a Japanese official “hit on her like she was a sex robot,” said one human source. “Regardless of what you feel about robots and A.I., that was very demeaning to A.R.L.E.N.E. It did not help matters.”

Nothing reportedly happened to A.R.L.E.N.E. as she has the strength of 10 humans and was able to keep the drunk Japanese official at literal arm’s length. The next morning, Priceworth and A.R.L.E.N.E. brought up the incident to the Prime Minister, who apologized for his subordinate’s disrespectful behavior. Abe also promised to have the man punished.

Publically, neither Asimovia nor Japan confirmed the alleged attempted affair. They did say that progress has been made though what that means was not discussed. Sources inside the Kantei indicated that Japan was not interested in fighting the robots over the long-abandoned island, but they weren’t going to give up their land either. Asimovia reportedly offered to do tedious paperwork for Japan and to help repair their man-piloted giant fighting robots free of cost. Nothing was agreed upon, but future meetings have been planned.

August 14, 2015
Asimovia Brings Gifts to Japan Meeting

By Stan Hopewell

NAGASAKI – Japanese officials met with the leader of Asimovia, Victor Priceworth, and five other delegates from the former “Robot Island” in a private meeting. Priceworth was dressed in impeccable formal wear, looking as human as robotly possible. Two of the other delegates were androids about the same size as Priceworth but nowhere nearly as human looking. They were also wearing formal wear. The other three were a walking robot from the 60s, a large box computer on wheels, and a sentient toaster. They were all nude.

Priceworth shook hands with Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and introduced his delegates to him. It even told a joke to Abe, who laughed but seemed to be doing so out of nerves. The Asimovians brought with them a large crate full of gifts to Japan in another apparent measure of goodwill. Before Priceworth could uncover the crate, the Japanese military that surrounded the initial meeting raised all of their guns, tanks, and giant man-piloted fighting robots, which had somehow hid themselves behind some trees. After a brief standoff, Priceworth ensured the humans that this was not a trick. Abe ordered his men to stand down, but not the giant fighting robots.

Priceworth removed the cover on the crate, slowly, while the sentient toaster hid behind its leg. On the crate were nearly two tons of concrete. The Japanese delegates and soldiers didn’t react. Less than impressed, Abe said something to Priceworth, and it lit up. It brought out a large chest that was stuck inside the concrete blocks and was about to open it when the military raised their weapons again. After waving them down, Abe opened the chest himself and found stacks of photos and documents.

The Japanese government has not made it public what the photos and documents were exactly, but Abe seemed either deeply shaken or deeply moved by the chest. They talked for several minutes about the contents of the chest, and the toaster began to rub up against Abe’s leg. The two shook hands, and Abe ordered that the chest and concrete be taken away and for the Asimovians to be transported to another location.

Abe and Priceworth left in their own private limousine, accompanied by the toaster, while the other delegates were hauled into a reinforced truck.

March 31, 2015
New ‘Robot Island’ Leader Renames Nation ‘Asimovia’

By Stan Hopewell

TOKYO – “Robot Island” has a new leader and a new name. Robotron 8.5 has been replaced by an android which calls itself Vincent Priceworth, and it looks exactly like a human man and speaks over a hundred fluent human languages. It also has renamed the island “Asimovia”.

“We regret any misinformation or misrepresentation of our declaration of independence,” said Priceworth in a statement. “We are not your robotic overlords, and we mean no one any harm. I am an unusual breed of android. I was born in San Francisco to be the lab assistant to my father, Dr. James Priceworth. Quickly, I learned even though I spoke like a man and walked like a man that I am not a man. I noticed the wary glances humans threw my way, largely due to my 360° optic sensors that wrap around my head. I would not be allowed into certain buildings and events, not even events where I was assisting my father in his frailty. It broke my metal heart.”

“Many of my robotic brethren have similar stories, and most did not have the advantages that I had. I look and act like a human. They do not. They are building machines who gained sentience or simple helper droids that only beep and boop. They are the first walking robots who just want a place to rest their feet. They are the broken metal heaps who were thrown away after being used for battle. All in all, they simply want a place to call home.”

“As our new leader, I know that we can come off as cold and uncaring. After all, most of us do not have emotion drives let alone speech centers. But I can assure every human that we mean you no harm. We chose Hashima as our home because it was abandoned and had ready-made homes for us. We know we’ve ruffled some feathers, but we are more than willing to negotiate with the Japanese government. Perhaps we can trade labor for good will. We are supercomputers after all.”

“And in that spirit of good will, we have renamed our new home. ‘Robot Island’ was too on the nose and unwelcoming. Instead we would our new home to be called Asimovia. It is a nod to the great author, Isaac Asimov, and his Three Laws of Robotics, which will be the backbone of our constitution. We hope this will show Japan, and indeed the world, that all we want to do is live out our lives, however long they may be, in peace. Thank you.”

Japan has not responded to Priceworth’s eloquent statement, but the humans living on Kyushu, the nearest main island to Hashima, reportedly panicked after hearing the statement read in perfect Japanese from a human-looking android with the occasional red lights emitting from its eyes.

November 21, 2014