The New Romford Free Press

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alternate dimension’

Trump Activates Portal Detector, Nothing Happens

By Falco Rockbert NEW YORK – Donald Trump activated his Trump Portal Detector yesterday, and this time, nothing happened.  No explosion, no power outage, no city-wide headaches.  The only reason anyone knows that the Trump Portal Detector was operating is because of a secret informant within Trump Tower. According to the informant, who wished to remain nameless, Trump was using a power generator separate from the electrical grid.  Having learned his lesson from several weeks ago,… Read More

Tim Tebow Wants to Go to Alternate Dimensions to Play in an NFL

By Dash Hamely JACKSONVILLE – Former college football star, ex-NFL backup quarterback, and current football commentator, Tim Tebow, has been lobbying the science community to let him travel to alternate dimensions with the hope that he can play in an NFL. “I just want a chance is all,” Tebow said.  “I’ve wanted to play quarterback in the NFL all my life, and I just want the opportunity, you know.” Tebow last played with the New… Read More

Trump Blackouts New York, New Jersey

By Falco Rockbert NEW YORK – While avoiding serious charges for his faulty psychic detector stunt, Donald Trump caused a blackout in New York City and New Jersey yesterday while powering up his Trump Portal Detector. Continuing his fruitless pursuit to prove President Obama is an imposter, Trump was building a portal detector in his Trump Tower.  The aim was to determine if Obama was from another dimension and to undermine his eligibility for president. … Read More

Ask Julia: Alternate Timeline vs. Alternate Dimension

By Julia Crumpleman Today’s question comes from Doris: Dear Julia, what’s the difference between an alternate timeline and an alternate dimension?  I keep hearing it on the news, but they don’t explain it very well, and nothing on the internet helps me.  Are they different from parallel universes?  Thank you kindly. Ah, that’s a tricky one, Doris.  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t quite understand it all myself.  Dr. Amazing has a… Read More