The New Romford Free Press

Tag: dinosaurs

Some Neighborhoods Abandoned

By Buffy Bolivar

It’s been several weeks since the Dino-Day Disaster, and most of New Romford has returned to functionality. Power, water, and communications have returned, major thoroughfares have been cleared, and business has been normal for most residents. There are still many side streets and buildings that need repair, but nothing that any New Romforder hasn’t experienced before.

Even so, there are neighborhoods that are abandoned. East Town, Jordan, and Virgin Heights were all hit hard by the DDD, and many buildings were completely demolished. Johnson Lane in East Town is a ghost town. “I used to live a block from that street,” said Dominique Jones, who is now living at a friend’s house in Norwoods. “It was a happening place to go, you know. All these great little shops and restaurants, all these places that only us locals knew, and now they’re just gone.”

Then there’s the corner of Milton and Melville in Jordan, another popular commercial district that, prior to the DDD, was in the midst of an economic upturn. McDowell Enterprises had built a new 30-story office building there five years ago, and now it sits empty with a giant hole down its middle. That’s not even counting all the homes that were destroyed nearby. The Bellevue Apartments a few blocks away were a newly renovated, upscale apartment complex, and now, with its north wall stripped off, it’s home to squatters.

“It’s just a shame,” said local resident, Rashida Moen. “A lot of these neighborhoods were some of the oldest in the city. They’re architecture was just so unique. You can’t replace them. You just can’t.”

Some 40,000 residents have been displaced in these neighborhoods, and 800 businesses are closed either temporarily or for good. No other neighborhood in New Romford has been hit as hard, and it may take years to repair. “The infrastructure was really bad in these parts,” said Richard Martindale, New Romford City Planner from 1996 to 2005. “The roads, sewers, pipelines, and just the buildings themselves have been beat up so much over the past 50 years from aliens and supervillains, and now dinosaurs, that they really need to be stripped down and rebuilt. That’s going to take a lot of money.”

Mayor Lawrence has vowed to repair every street and building that sustained injuries in the wake of the DDD, but the price tag for such a feat may prove to be too high. The estimated property damage for the entire city is $60.8 billion. Downtown, which suffered the most damage, is getting top priority on the repairs, and since the Building Replacement Parts Act of 1978, every building is built with interchangeable parts. Roughly 75% of the buildings in downtown have been fully restored within weeks, but neighborhoods like East Town are at a disadvantage because their buildings were grandfathered into the act and weren’t required to use interchangeable parts.

“Older neighborhoods like that are going to lag behind,” said Martindale. “It’s a shame because East Town and Jordan really had some charming architecture. I just hope they don’t become a haven for supervillains.”

March 10, 2015
Dinosaur Queen T-Rex Caught Trying to Escape in Cargo Container

By Skip Daverman

BOZEMAN, Montana – One of the Dinosaur Queen’s T-Rexes was caught by the Rocky Mountain Ranger inside the Museum of the Rockies after traveling thousands of miles in a cargo container.

The T-Rex, a general in the Dinosaur Queen’s army according to its armor, was apparently riding in a cargo container of a train ever since the Dino-Day Disaster in New Romford. It was not clear how it got itself into the container in the first place, or how a 15-foot tall dinosaur evaded detection for all these weeks, but it appeared that it was trying to get to the west coast.

The train that carried the T-Rex made a stop at the railyards in Laurel, Montana, about 10 miles west of Billings. The train had made a routine pit stop that lasted 30 minutes when a cargo container began to twitch. “They’re not supposed to twitch,” said Mark Engelman, the train’s engineer. “Then it rattled and came off its base and fell on the ground, and then poof! Out came a dinosaur!”

Using its powerful legs, the T-Rex busted open the back end of its container and wiggled out. Once free, it let out a thunderous roar that could be heard for miles away. It chased after every human it saw but thankfully was too impoverished to run straight. Witnesses said it looked hungry. Someone fired a shotgun at it, and the T-Rex charged them, unharmed by the shotgun spray. When the police arrived, the T-Rex ran away.

After tearing through a local Walmart, eating half of the meat in the deli, the T-Rex busted out the back door, evading police once again. “I’ve never seen a T-Rex run so fast,” said John Harmon, a Walmart employee. “Then again, I’ve never seen a T-Rex run, period. It must’ve been running 40 mph.”

Storming through Laurel and crushing a few houses along the way, the T-Rex ran westward along I-90 for several miles before running along the Yellowstone River. The police, highway patrol, and, by now, the National Guard were all in pursuit, but the dinosaur went down a ravine and was lost for several hours. The Rocky Mountain Ranger rode in from stopping a Grizzly bear uprising in Wyoming to assist on the search, and his flying robot horse, Gallatin, proved more effective. The Ranger found fresh dinosaur tracks, leading to the city of Bozeman, about 140 miles west of Laurel.

The Ranger and the National Guard flushed the T-Rex out of the forest into the open. Even with his unbreakable metallic lasso, the Ranger wasn’t able to hogtie the dinosaur. It flung its tail back at the Ranger, sending the superhero backwards several hundred feet. The T-Rex continued running, eventually making its way to the Museum of the Rockies on the Montana State University campus, where it attempted to blend in with the displays of dinosaur bones.

“That was its mistake, partner,” said the Ranger. “None of them varmints has any skin or muscles and whatnot. It was more than easy to spot him. Also, he got angry at see all them dead dino bones. Maybe one of them was his cousin or something.”

While Gallatin distracted the T-Rex, the Ranger snuck in from behind to hogtie the dinosaur, and this time, he was successful. Along with some knock-out gas from his belt, the Ranger subdued the T-Rex. The National Guard hauled the beast away, and despite the general fright experienced by the majority of residents in this small town, the Museum’s paleontologists were ecstatic.

“I’ve never seen an actual living dinosaur before,” said Professor Mary Diaz. “It was so exciting! I mean, sure, I was afraid that it would eat me when it was running around, but it was a living, breathing dinosaur! I’ve never felt so alive!”

February 20, 2015
Tanya Morales Refuses Cybernetics to Become Advocate for Disabled

By Julia Crumpleman

Wealthy socialite, Tanya Morales, daughter of famous actor Antonio Morales, is known more for late-night exploits than her social awareness. But the Dino-Day Disaster changed all that as she explained to Oprah Winfrey for a special on OWN.

“I was turned into a stegosaurus,” Morales said, “and I was stuck in my apartment on the 56^th floor of the Walton Tower. I was so big that I couldn’t go down the stairs or the elevator, so I was stuck.” Along with hundreds of other people inside Walton Tower, Morales had to remain in her apartment until she was changed back into a human. Unfortunately, all the extra weight from her and the other people had destabilized the beams below her, and the floor collapsed.

“I fell down about 10-15 stories,” she said, “but it felt like 100 stories. I landed on a pile of people (still dinosaurs), and then we were really stuck. Every time one of us tried to move, we could hear something creek, like another beam was about to give way.” A few of the smaller people were able to squeeze out, she said, and thankfully, they landed on the 40^th floor. Every 20^th story in the Walton Tower, and in most skyscrapers in New Romford, is reinforced with titanium, by law, to prevent further collapsing for cases such as this. “Still, we didn’t really know that,” she said. “We were all so scared to move because we didn’t know what was going to happen.”

The collapse happened late in the night of the DDD, and by morning, they had turned back to human. But unbeknownst to them, they were supporting several beams with their added weight and mass, and when they lost that, the beams came falling down on them. Luckily, no one died in the Walton Tower, but everyone was critically injured. Morales’s legs were pinned down under a beam. Rescue robots were able to get her and everyone else to safety, but when she arrived at the hospital, Morales’s legs were horribly infected. They had to be amputated to save her life.

“I just cried and cried,” she said with tears flowing from her eyes. “I just never thought something like this could happen to me.” Amputation turned out to be a common procedure in the wake of the DDD. 239 people had to have at least one limb amputated. At New Romford General Hospital, where most of the amputations took place, including her own, Morales saw the toll it took on families less privileged than her own.

“I am blessed,” she said. “My family is wealthy, and we can afford to buy cybernetics to replace my legs. I could very easily get the latest model and walk and run and be stronger than I ever was. But I just couldn’t do it. Cybernetic limbs are incredibly expensive. They cost at least half a million dollars for one limb, and then there’s the lifetime maintenance and repair costs that push it up into the millions. I was in the hospital for a week, and I got to know my fellow amputees, and I just couldn’t get cybernetics and walk out of there. I just couldn’t do it.”

Instead, much to the chagrin of her parents, Morales decided to not only refuse cybernetics, but to refuse prosthetics of any kind. “Normal prosthetics are useful, but they don’t allow the user to have the sensation to touch or feel temperature,” she said. “And that’s important for people, important for them to feel whole again, or at least as whole as they can. We’re in such a technologically advanced society that we should be working to make cybernetics more accessible to everyone, not just the wealthy and superheroes.”

Because of that, Morales is starting a new foundation, The Cybernetics Project, with the sole intent of pushing for cheaper cybernetics by developing new technologies and reducing supply costs. The Cybernetics Project already has the backing of New Romford University, ATOM Labs, Dr. Amazing, and Thomas McDowell, who will be the primary benefactor. “I’m humbled to have so much support for my foundation,” said Morales. “This project is now my life’s goal, and I will work hard every day to make cybernetics cheaper for everyone.”

As for her legs, Morales sees them as a symbol. “Being confined to a wheelchair has been incredibly difficult for me,” she said, “and I’ve only been in one for a few weeks, but it’s given me perspective. This world, and in particular this city, was built for able-bodied people. But I still plan on living my life. Wherever I go, I’ll always be advocating for the disabled, and my legs will be a remainder to everyone of that. And until my foundation reaches its goal, I will remain in my wheelchair.”

September 30, 2014
Dr. Amazing Fertilizes Future Farm with Dino Dung

By Packie Williams

File photo

One of the biggest, and stinkiest, problems in the wake of the Dino-Day Disaster was what to do with all the dinosaur dung that was left behind. Dr. Amazing has volunteered to use it as fertilizer.

“Dung is nature’s natural fertilizer,” he said. “It’s full of nutrients that plants need in order to grow, and with so much of it around, it just makes sense to use it in the Future Farm.”

Dr. Amazing and robots from ATOM Labs have been scooping up as much of the dino dung as they could and hauling back to ATOM Labs for study. First, they wanted to have samples available for paleontologists to study and also to see if there were any remnants of the Dinosaur Queen’s magic left over. “The last thing we wanted,” said Dr. Amazing, “was for whatever magical particles that turned us into dinosaurs to be left in the dung, and if it were to fertilize crops, we had to make sure nothing evil got transferred to the food, which might turn people back into dinosaurs if they ate a tomato for instance.”

“Luckily, the occult section of ATOM Labs has given us the all clear,” said Dr. Amazing. “I don’t put much stock into magic personally, but it happens, so we have to be careful.”

Dr. Amazing hopes that the dino dung will naturally speed up the growth of his crops. “No one wants artificial chemicals put into their food,” he said. “So we’re going to use the next best thing. Which is dinosaur dung.”

Dr. Amazing’s wife, Snow Woman, did not comment.

August 5, 2014
New Romford Begins New Promotional Campaign

by Julia Crumpelman

Sensing a need to attract new businesses and residents, the City of New Romford has unveiled a promotional campaign to highlight the good things about living in a city constantly besieged by supervillains.

The campaign, “Life in New Romford,” will distribute posters, billboards, and television, radio, internet, and psychic ads all across the U.S., Canada, Mexico, and Europe. “Understandably,” said Chamber of Commerce Head, Idara Mulholland, “people are hesitant to come to New Romford. But once you come here and experience the energy for yourself, then you get why this is such a vibrant place to live and work.”

Mulholland said that the campaign will focus primarily on the East and West Coasts of North America and in Western Europe. “That’s where the majority of our out-of-town business comes from,” she said. “Eventually, we want to spread out to Asia once we have the budget for it.”

Three of the posters/billboards will focus on turning the negatives of living in New Romford into positives. One will feature Dr. Alan Guinness, a.k.a. The Gator, one will feature Adonis saving television reporter, Michelle Meyers, and another will showcase the recent Dino-Day Disaster. That one was a controversial choice for the campaign. “I get why people are against it,” Mulholland said. “It’s such a recent event, but sadly, it’s something that could happen at any moment, and you have to find positives in everything.”

“In order to remain a leader in the national, global, and galactic community,” she continued, “we have to reassure non-New Romforders that life here goes on even when it does get crazy. We can’t let every supervillain, alien invasion, monster attack, and Frankenstein annexation stop us from following our dreams.”

“And that’s no offense to all the aliens, monsters, and Frankensteins that live here in peace. We accept all lifeforms in New Romford.”

Some of the posters are available for sale online here.

August 1, 2014
Dozens Still Missing from DDD

By Buffy Bolivar

It’s been weeks since the Dino-Day Disaster, and though the majority of New Romford has been accounted for, dozens of residents are still missing.

The NRPD has put the number at 79 missing residents, mostly located in the Downtown region and any parts of other boroughs with tall buildings. These residents likely were trapped after a building collapsed either during the dinosaur transformation or after reverting back to human. Rescue crews and the Peace Force are doing everything they can to find people trapped under debris. “But it’s going slowly,” said one rescue worker. “We have to take it easy so we don’t cause even more damage that could bury people even more.”

There’s also the possibility that the Dinosaur Queen had transported residents to another unknown location. As was reported by the New Romford Free Press during the DDD, several residents were captured by the Dino Army. Their whereabouts have not been determined.

For now, the NRPD is asking residents to be on the lookout for missing persons. “Some people may’ve become disoriented while they were dinosaurs,” said a NRPD statement. “They may’ve wandered off to places they’ve never been before and may be lost. Their mental state may be damaged. If you find someone who looks disoriented, please call the police.” A full list of names and pictures are available on the NRPD and city website.

June 6, 2014
Lightning Bug Trial Begins; Dinosaur Queen Sent to Federal Court

By Chase Chapley

Today’s supervillain legal roundup sees two of New Romford’s most recent criminals in court. Lightning Bug, a.k.a. Horace Wagner, was in New Romford City Court, which had been deemed functional by engineers after the Dino-Day Disaster, for the start of his trial. Last month, Wagner is accused of causing an explosion in the Verzatt Estates. He was later apprehended by Speedster on I-188.

Wagner is being tried on eight counts of destruction of property, three counts of illegal possession of advanced weaponry, and one count of vandalism, battery, and unlawful possession of mutated organisms. While many legal experts expected a plea deal for this case, Wagner pled not guilty to all charges. “It’s probably not the smart move,” said legal expert, Burt Montana. “There is security camera footage of him exiting the exploded building, he was wearing his illegal armor, and who else uses giant bugs as a motif? It’s a pretty open-and-shut case.”

Meanwhile, Dinosaur Queen, whose attack killed at least 79 people and caused billions in property damage, is being sent to federal court and probably out of state. The Dino-Day Disaster is being considered a terrorist attack and if convicted would incur a much harsher punishment. Some politicians are even suggesting sending her to Guantanamo Bay, although that seems unlikely. For the time being, she’s being kept in an undisclosed location, and her pet dinosaur, Rawrasaur, is being kept in a separate undisclosed location.

May 13, 2014