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After Extensive Review, Condor-Man Declared Officially Dead

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By Packie Williams

CHICAGO – The superhero Condor-Man was seemingly killed in an explosion chasing Claymore through a factory last week, and after extensive review, Condor-Man has been declared officially dead.

Paul Condorman, 39, was a graduate student at Northwestern University, studying under Dr. Ian Langford, a biochemist, when he was exposed to radiation, a mixture of chemicals, and condor DNA in a freak accident in his lab 18 years ago.  The accident, which was later discovered to be caused by Langford himself for evil reasons, gave Condorman the power to mind-control birds, granted him a “condor-sense” that has never been fully explained,  and made him seek out dead animal carcasses for food.  Condorman used his new found abilities, plus a jetpack, to become the superhero Condor-Man, somehow hoping no one would figure out who he was behind his “mask.”

Briefly joining the Peace Force as well as a dozen other short-lived superhero teams, Condor-Man protected Chicago, Milwaukee, and occasionally, the Twin Cities from crime.  He apparently died eight years ago while fighting the alien demigod, Planto, on the moon, but he was actually transferred to a pocket dimension filled with super bees.  He returned to our dimension a year later, redesigned his costume, and returned to protecting the Midwest.

Last week, Condor-Man was chasing supervillain, Claymore, through a chemical factory when it exploded.  The explosion seems to have been a result of the battle, and Claymore was nowhere to be found.  Condor-Man’s body was recovered from the scene and taken to a special morgue for an autopsy per regulations for any superhuman.

A Peace Force doctor examined the body to make sure it was actually Paul Condorman and not a clone, shapeshifter, alien, robot, other dimensional being or projection, magic doll, mystical enchantment, or any number of other possibilities.  The results for the doctor concluded that this was Paul Condorman, the Condor-Man, and he is officially dead.

Condorman is survived by his ex-wife, Laura O’Leary, his brother, Walt Condorman, and his niece, Felicia Condorman.  The Peace Force will pay for the funeral, which will be held this weekend at Holy Name  Cathedral in Chicago.