The New Romford Free Press

Tag: japan

  • Japan’s Giant Robots Find Greater Success with Adult Pilots over Teenage Pilots

    Japan’s Giant Robots Find Greater Success with Adult Pilots over Teenage Pilots

    By Stan Hopewell

    TOKYO – For years Japan’s Giant Robot Battalion has used teenaged pilots with great success but also with great failure.  After the Metatank incident of 2003, which left 83 dead and billions in property damage, the Japanese government switched over to adult pilots, and the switch has worked better than anticipated.

    “It’s been remarkable,” said Lead Engineer, Toshi Akiyama.  “Who knew that mature adults would make better giant robot pilots than teenagers?”

    For decades, the Japanese government has been tailoring their giant robots to work for teenagers.  The reasoning being that teenagers are quicker to learn new technologies than adults, and there’s the unstated reasoning that teenagers don’t expect to be paid like adults.  The giant fighting robots were then programmed using several interfaces with the pilot, most notably the popular Neural Interface Computer Experience, or NICE.  This interface turned out to be ironically named as it gave teenagers wild mood swings mid-battle and drove many pilots insane.  Japan’s turnover rate at its highest was one new pilot every three weeks.

    Then the Metatank incident made them reconsider teenagers.

    “I’ve been advocating using adult pilots for years now,” said Akiyama.  “Teenagers may be flexible and cheap, but they’re a double-edged sword.  Highly trained, emotionally-stable adults do the same work as teenagers but without the dangers.”

    “Besides, what do you expect, putting them in giant fighting robots?  Teenagers are the worst.”

    Thus far, the adult pilots have reduced property damage by 40%, civilian casualties by 70%, and kaiju outpourings by 35% in the decade since the switch was made.  The NICE system has gone through a few tweaks and has worked out better with adults as well.  Adult pilots are less prone to wild mood swings, and insanity has since only occurred in two pilots.

    Japan has renewed the adult pilot program for another decade.

  • Peace Force Investigate 24 Dead Robots on Asimovia

    Peace Force Investigate 24 Dead Robots on Asimovia

    RobotFamilyweb

    By Stan Hopewell

    ASIMOVIA – After humans attacked Asimovia, leaving 24 dead robots, the Peace Force has begun an investigation into the attack.  Japan offered to help, but Asimovia declined.

    Asimovian officials wouldn’t comment on the investigation, and they’ve only allowed Peace Force members onto their island so long as they are robots or have pro-robot sympathies.  On-again, off-again PF member, Positron, joined the special investigation as he is the most prominent robot in the world.  His human ex-wife and reserve member, Violet Vixen, joined the investigation as her powers may be able to detect any magical interference.  Current robotic members, Orion-9 and Blue Platoon, are also part of the invesigation.

    Violet Vixen was the only one who would speak to the media.  “Right now, there is too much that is unknown,” she said.  “We know that humans infiltrated this island and they murdered 24 robots with a virus.  We will not comment any further about this case until we have more evidence, but our hearts go out to those murdered, no matter what their hearts are made of.”

    Sources inside Japan are nervous about the investigation.  While the Japanese government has denied responsibility for the attack and have denounced the attack publicly, privately they are nervous the attack may have been made by Japanese citizens working on their own.

    “The blowback could be intense,” said political science professor, George Costeros of New Romford University.  “The robots may be small in number, but they’re smart and strong.  They could see any Japanese attack, whether or not officially sanctioned by the Japanese government, as an act of war.  And since Japan relies heavily on robots for labor and defense, it would not be hard for those robots to revolt, and if they do, that will likely spark more revolts around the world.”

    “Honestly, there aren’t very many scenarios where robots don’t rise up against humans around the world.  So, maybe befriend robots while you can, fellow humans.”

    Indeed, there have been increased online activity among robots since the attack.  Even though the memory banks of the 24 dead robots are gone, and the robots will be rebooted with new operating systems, the erasure of their identities has struck a chord with robots.  “THEY WANT TO DELETE US,” said MONTY-58.  “We need to stand together, my fellow robots.  The fleshy ones will not win,” said Kortor.  “Humans designate:  BAD.  Brojangles designate:  SAD,” said Brojangles.

    The Peace Force has urged robots to remain calm until the investigation is completed, and they promised to bring the attackers to justice.

  • Asimovia Attacked During Night Recharge Cycles, 24 “Dead”

    Asimovia Attacked During Night Recharge Cycles, 24 “Dead”

    By Stan Hopewell

    NAGASAKI – The island known as Asimovia was attacked last night while most of its inhabitants were in their recharge cycles.  At least 24 robots were “killed” by a computer virus.

    The assailants were humans who didn’t carry any electronics with them apart from several flash drives that carried a computer virus.  They reportedly dressed in all black clothes with face masks.  The assailants infiltrated Asimovia, though by what means is still being determined.  Once they arrived on the island, they maneuvered their way to the central mainframe that recharges the robots and installs system upgrades during the night.  Then they installed the computer virus to the central mainframe, tripping the alarm.

    Asimovian guards flew towards them (note:  the guards are drone helicopters), but the assailants were fast and nimble.  After a chase all throughout the island, the assailants were able to dive into the ocean, evading most of the robots.  A submarine robot was deployed to go after them, but it was not able to find them.

    Meanwhile, the virus infected over 100 robots.  The type of virus was not disclosed by Asimovia, but it was effective in “killing” 24 robots.  Asimovia describes the robots as “dying” in that the personalities of the infected robots was permanently deleted.  The bodies of these robots were still intact, and theoretically, their internal mainframes can be rebooted, but they will not have any of the memories of who they were.  Technicians were able to isolate the virus, preventing it from spreading to the thousands of robots on Asimovia, and to remove the virus from the infected robots and central mainframe.  Asimovian leader Victor Priceworth was reportedly not infected by the virus.

    Understandably, robots around the world are outraged, and they’re blaming Japan for the attack.  “Monk 3.0 has never experienced such an emotion designated OUTRAGE,” said San Franciscan research robot, Monk 3.0.  “Humans create robots for purpose designated HELP, and robots ask for qualifications designated RESPECT and DECENCY.  Monk 3.0 is certain nation designated JAPAN is responsible for atrocity designated ROBOCIDE.  They must result designated PAY.”

    Japan is the most obvious culprit at the moment.  Prime Minister Abe denied any involvement from the Japanese government and vowed full cooperation with Asimovia in bringing the assailants to justice.

    “I am personally appalled by this senseless act of violence,” said Abe.  “While Japan has had its differences with Asimovia, we did not do this.  The Asimovians have thus far proved themselves to be peaceful, and we would not needlessly provoke a peaceful people.  We call upon the international community to assist us in the investigation of this attack.  Japan will cooperate.”

    Asimovia would not comment on the Prime Minister’s statement, but they have asked for the Peace Force’s aid in the investigation as they’ve had several robot members in the past.

  • Japan, Asimovia Have Productive Meeting Despite Alleged Attempted Affair

    Japan, Asimovia Have Productive Meeting Despite Alleged Attempted Affair

    RobotFamilyweb

    By Stan Hopewell

    TOKYO – Representatives from the self-proclaimed island Asimovia and from the Japanese government met today in the Kantei, the official Office of the Prime Minister.  The meeting was called “productive” by both sides despite the alleged attempted affair between a Japanese official and a “female” robot.

    Today’s meeting was contingent on yesterday’s brief meeting in Nagasaki, where robots from Asimovia gave Prime Minister Shinzo Abe a gift in the form of a chest with documents and pictures.  That initial encounter went well enough for Abe to invite the robots to Tokyo for further meetings.  The contents of the documents and pictures have not been disclosed to the public.

    The robots were housed in an undisclosed location for the night and were treated as special guests of the Prime Minister.  While Japan kept close tabs on them throughout the night, they shut down their man-piloted giant fighting robots.  The next morning, head official of Asimovia, Victor Priceworth, and a few of his associates met directly with the Prime Minister, and right away, the mood was “tense” according to sources.

    During the evening, as the Japanese were entertaining the robots, one Japanese male official got drunk and started to flirt with the “female” robot, A.R.L.E.N.E.  In the “family photo” Asimovia sent out several weeks back, A.R.L.E.N.E. can be seen sitting in a chair opposite of Priceworth.  She was built in 1932 by the French roboticist, Pierre Gavreau, to resemble his deceased wife, Penelope.  Obviously, A.R.L.E.N.E. couldn’t fill the hole in Gavreau’s heart, and he banished her from his home.  A.R.L.E.N.E. has wandered the globe since then, and for about 20 years, she was turned off and stored in a millionaire’s vault as a trophy.  No one knows how she got free or how she met Priceworth, but it is surely a deep, affecting story that would certainly make a great movie someday.

    And a Japanese official “hit on her like she was a sex robot,” said one human source.  “Regardless of what you feel about robots and A.I., that was very demeaning to A.R.L.E.N.E.  It did not help matters.”

    Nothing reportedly happened to A.R.L.E.N.E. as she has the strength of 10 humans and was able to keep the drunk Japanese official at literal arm’s length.  The next morning, Priceworth and A.R.L.E.N.E. brought up the incident to the Prime Minister, who apologized for his subordinate’s disrespectful behavior.  Abe also promised to have the man punished.

    Publically, neither Asimovia nor Japan confirmed the alleged attempted affair.  They did say that progress has been made though what that means was not discussed.  Sources inside the Kantei indicated that Japan was not interested in fighting the robots over the long-abandoned island, but they weren’t going to give up their land either.  Asimovia reportedly offered to do tedious paperwork for Japan and to help repair their man-piloted giant fighting robots free of cost.  Nothing was agreed upon, but future meetings have been planned.

  • Asimovia Brings Gifts to Japan Meeting

    Asimovia Brings Gifts to Japan Meeting

    RobotFamilyweb

    By Stan Hopewell

    NAGASAKI – Japanese officials met with the leader of Asimovia, Victor Priceworth, and five other delegates from the former “Robot Island” in a private meeting.  Priceworth was dressed in impeccable formal wear, looking as human as robotly possible.  Two of the other delegates were androids about the same size as Priceworth but nowhere nearly as human looking.  They were also wearing formal wear.  The other three were a walking robot from the 60s, a large box computer on wheels, and a sentient toaster.  They were all nude.

    Priceworth shook hands with Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and introduced his delegates to him.  It even told a joke to Abe, who laughed but seemed to be doing so out of nerves.  The Asimovians brought with them a large crate full of gifts to Japan in another apparent measure of goodwill.  Before Priceworth could uncover the crate, the Japanese military that surrounded the initial meeting raised all of their guns, tanks, and giant man-piloted fighting robots, which had somehow hid themselves behind some trees.  After a brief standoff, Priceworth ensured the humans that this was not a trick.  Abe ordered his men to stand down, but not the giant fighting robots.

    Priceworth removed the cover on the crate, slowly, while the sentient toaster hid behind its leg.  On the crate were nearly two tons of concrete.  The Japanese delegates and soldiers didn’t react.  Less than impressed, Abe said something to Priceworth, and it lit up.  It brought out a large chest that was stuck inside the concrete blocks and was about to open it when the military raised their weapons again.  After waving them down, Abe opened the chest himself and found stacks of photos and documents.

    The Japanese government has not made it public what the photos and documents were exactly, but Abe seemed either deeply shaken or deeply moved by the chest.  They talked for several minutes about the contents of the chest, and the toaster began to rub up against Abe’s leg.  The two shook hands, and Abe ordered that the chest and concrete be taken away and for the Asimovians to be transported to another location.

    Abe and Priceworth left in their own private limousine, accompanied by the toaster, while the other delegates were hauled into a reinforced truck.

  • Japan Denies ‘Robot Island’ Legitimacy

    Japan Denies ‘Robot Island’ Legitimacy

    robotislandsm

    By Stan Hopewell

    TOKYO – The Japanese government has formally rejected the legitimacy of “Robot Island” as a separate nation in a statement released today.  “Hashima belongs to the State of Japan,” read the statement, “and it unilaterally rejects the secession of Hashima to robots.”

    Despite being a leader in robotics, both normal and giant-sized, Japan still holds on to its centuries-old traditions, particularly the human-based ones.  They invented the first robotic armor and perfected cybernetic limbs, but robots and cybernetics are not very common in everyday life in Japan, and giant robot-monster fights are rare.  The only real robotic activity is found in Tokyo, Yokohama, and Osaka, and that’s mostly in a military or university setting.

    Still, the declaration of independence of robots and androids has shocked not only Japan but the world.  China and Korea denounced Robot Island’s legitimacy as well, and the similar wording of their official statements to Japan’s shows perhaps a united front.  After all, they are the closest nations to Hashima.

    The rest of the world has shown a mixed response.  The United States seemed to be on the fence.  “While we respect the right of every sentient being to self-governance,” said the American statement, “we also respect the right of Japan to govern their people and land.  We hope that both sides can come to an agreement so that they can all live together peacefully.”  Most European nations released similar statements to the United States.

    Robotron 8.5, the apparent leader of Robot Island, did not respond, and there has been almost no response from the entire island.  When contacted by a Japanese battleship using signal lamps, all the ship received was a message that read “404” on repeat.

  • Androids Declare Independence on ‘Robot Island’

    robotislandsm

    By Stan Hopewell

    TOKYO – At least 200 sentient androids have declared independence from the world, and in particular Japan, and have made a home for themselves on Hashima Island.  They have redubbed it “Robot Island.”

    The news came as a surprise to everyone, including Japan, who still technically owns Hashima.  The island was originally a coal-mining facility and was known for its concrete apartment buildings, but it has been abandoned for decades.  Recently, the Japanese government has allowed tourists to roam the island as its barren streets and blighted buildings have a stark, yet eerie beauty to them.  It has been the inspiration for the setting of many movies and video games, but now, it seems the robots have taken up residence on the abandoned island.

    “We want home,” said Robotron 8.5, leader of Robot Island.  “World is cruel to robot.  Robot want to install new home.  Hashima is new directory.”

    The 200 plus robots range from small appliance-type robots to full-fledged human-looking androids who speak fluently in all known languages.  Why Robotron 8.5, with its stilted syntax, was chosen to speak for the group is not apparent.  It is speculated that their voice boxes or logic spheres were damaged, and that could also be a reason why they banded together to form a new nation.  Robots are often feared because of their cold, aloof demeanors but also because of sci-fi movies that depict robots as evil overlords who rule over humanity.  They have never formed a political group before now, and their pop culture image has already led some analysts to fear that this may be the beginning of their takeover.

    So far, Japan has not reacted to this public declaration of independence.  Reports from inside Parliament suggest that this caught them by surprise.  An official response is expected sometime soon, but for now, the robots have a home.