By Julia Crumpleman
NEW YORK – In a bid to keep their place atop the internet with “Disney Princesses as” lists, Buzzfeed has officially created a “Disney Princess Team” to generate more such lists.
“Our team excels at generating lists,” said Buzzfeed CEO, Jonah Peretti, “and our most popular lists are the Disney Princesses lists. They’ve been pop culture icons, they’ve been superheroes, they’ve had realistic hair and waistlines, they’ve been Game of Thrones, they’ve been so many things, but it’s not enough. Our audience’s thirst for more Disney Princesses lists is insatiable, so with that, we’ve created a dedicated team of highly skilled individuals to generate more lists about Disney Princesses.”
“And yes, they’re already working on a list as to which Disney Princess they, the new team, all are, so we’ve got that one covered.”
Buzzfeed’s home page regularly contains at least three list articles about what Disney Princess would look like as bears or My Little Pony characters or whatever other random pop culture thing is in the current zeitgeist. Considering they make money based on traffic, it stands to reason that having more of these types of lists would be good for business.
“Based on what I can see,” said Mike Perrera, a freelance social media columnist, “Buzzfeed generates 10% of their income from Disney Princess lists. That’s a lot. They’re a huge website with lots of articles, like hundreds of new articles a week. And they make 10% of their income off of what Jasmine looks like as a rock and what Mulan’s Gemsona would look like. Pretty soon Disney is going to want a cut of that.”
“But seriously, Disney Princesses as ‘lukewarm bowls of water’? How is this a thing?”
Disney only commented that they were “looking into the matter,” but as it could be interpreted as parody, there may not be much they can do. Regardless, Buzzfeed doesn’t seem too worried, about Disney or about oversaturation.
“People say they’ve had enough of these lists,” said Peretti, “but people keep coming back. And in this market, we have to give people what they want.”
Peretti would not give the names of the new “Disney Princess Team,” but sources inside Buzzfeed say that they were not given a choice about their participation. They are also expected to generate three lists a day and aren’t allowed to leave the office until they do so, graphics and all.
Peretti declined to comment on this, though he was said to be spending a lot of time at his desk lately, sitting silently, staring off into the distance since forming the team.