The New Romford Free Press

Tag: dinosaurs

  • Ask Julia: What About ‘The Gator’?

    Ask Julia: What About ‘The Gator’?

    askjulia

    By Julia Crumpleman

    profgatorWith New Romford still recuperating from the Dino-Day Disaster, I debated when I’d return to doing this column.  After all, there are much more pressing things to do, but that hasn’t stopped readers from sending me questions.  For any questions regarding the clean-up and recovery effort, please contact your local authorities and crisis management office.  They will be able to help you.

    Then it occurred to me that if I could provide some light distraction from our recent plight, why not do it?  So I picked one of the lighter questions and got a surprisingly pleasant response.  This question comes from Aaron in Carterson:

    Hey Julia, I was wondering what happened to Professor Gator at NRU?  Did he change into a dinosaur too?

    Aaron, I’m glad you asked because I hadn’t thought of it until now!  Furthermore, I wonder what happened to our extraterrestrial citizens.  They aren’t from Earth and would have no connection to dinosaurs.  Perhaps we’ll find out in time, but for now, I got the pleasure to speak with Professor Alan Guinness, a.k.a. “The Gator” or “Professor Gator”, about his experience.  Here’s what he had to say:

    Oh, ho ho, no I didn’t turn into a dinosaur, at least not what most people would think of when you say dinosaur.  I actually turned into an ancient version of an alligator.  From the best I could tell, I turned into a Deinosuchus riograndensis, basically a giant old alligator from the Cretaceous period.  I tripled in size, so I was about 30-35 feet long, and I wasn’t able to walk on two legs.

    It was a unique experience to say the least.  I was in my lab, which, thankfully, can hold a 30-foot long creature without much damage.  I was able to crawl out the door to see what was happening, but I really wasn’t able to do much other than destroy things with my tail by accident.  It was such a cumbersome thing.

    Thankfully, not much happened at my part of the campus.  The Dino Army wasn’t interested in us, apparently, so some of the professors and I kept the students together and took time studying ourselves.  I mean, how often do you get to study living, breathing dinosaurs up close and literally in person?  Once we got some food in us, we had a grand old time.  We gathered so much information on how dinosaurs walk, eat, and live.  I only wish we had hands so we could’ve written it all down, but we did the best we could.

    There you have it, Aaron!  I’m glad that someone was able to find something positive about the DDD, and Professor Guinness is just the alligator to do it.

  • New Romford Mourns, Rebuilds

    New Romford Mourns, Rebuilds

    By Buffy Bolivar

    With the Dino-Day Disaster in the past, it’s time for New Romford to rebuild and mourn.

    As with most major superhuman events, the city has come to a standstill in the wake of the attack.  Most businesses are closed and will remain so for several weeks or months to come.  The city, National Guard, and Peace Force are helping with the clean-up and rescue effort.  At least 12,000 buildings and 8,000 roads are estimated to have been damaged in some way.  Power, water, sewers, and communications have also been damaged, and it may take weeks before they are fully restored.

    This all pales in comparison to the human toll.  City officials put the death toll from the Dino-Day Disaster at 79, and there are still hundreds missing.  Some died at the claws and tail spikes of the Dino Army, but most died simply by being in a structure that wasn’t meant to hold dinosaurs.  One subway worker got stuck in a tunnel and suffocated when he couldn’t escape.  A crew of eight sailors were in Windsor Bay when they all changed, sinking with their boat.  Others died by changing into a large dinosaur while inside a building, damaging its structural integrity.  When they changed back into humans, the building collapsed and crushed them inside.

    That said, this is nothing New Romford hasn’t seen or experienced before, and the city has come back from worse disasters.  The New Day attack of 2006 claimed 304 lives, and the Chymeran Incursion of 1976 claimed 543 lives.  New Romford survived and prospered after those disasters, and it will survive and prosper after the Dinosaur Queen’s attack.

  • Home

    Home

    By Chase Chapley

    Well, gang, thank you for reading my blog during this crisis.  I’m going home to find my wife, Charlene.  I was able to get a hold of her via a land line, and she’s safe.  This has been quite the ordeal, a weird one even by our standards.

    I hope everyone is safe and with loved ones.  We are New Romford, and we know how to survive.  Any breaking news will come from one of my colleagues.  Find someplace safe to sleep tonight.  Tomorrow, we rebuild.

    Good night.

  • PHOTO: 4th Avenue Bridge Collapsed

    By Chase Chapley

    We just got this photo of the 4th Avenue Bridge from the Channel 8 News Copter.  It collapsed yesterday.  Click for the full size photo.

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  • Last of Dino Army Captured

    Last of Dino Army Captured

    By Chase Chapley

    With the Dinosaur Queen captured, the remaining members of the Dino Army have given themselves up to authorities.  The raptors and T-Rexes went down easily, and the flying members of the Peace Force have been captured the pterodactyls in a net.  The brachiosauruses, though, proved difficult to corral since they are huge.  Dr. Amazing appears to have set up a dimensional portal of some sort, and they went into it with a little prodding from Titana.

    The U.S. Army set up supply points at various intersections, providing food, water, and blankets to anyone in need.  The Red Cross has come in and set up medical bays as well.  The Mayor has announced these points for shelter.  Power is still out in many places, and hundreds, if not thousands, of buildings have been destroyed.  It’s going to be months before most structures are safe to reenter.  Also, sanitation is going to be an issue as dinosaur-sized feces are literally everywhere.

    It looks like we’ve escaped another disaster, but we’re not out of the woods yet.

  • Dinosaur Queen Captured by Adonis

    Dinosaur Queen Captured by Adonis

    By Chase Chapley

    The NRPD has confirmed that Adonis has captured the Dinosaur Queen in Parkhill, putting an end to the “Dino-Day” nightmare.

    I’m receiving word, and slowly video, that the Dinosaur Queen and Adonis were fighting mid-air.  She blasted Adonis down into the ground, crash landing somewhere in Parkhill.  When she gloated, as she is prone to do, he threw a car at her, as he is prone to do.  A few quick punches here and there, and the Dinosaur Queen was defeated.

    News spread downtown, and everyone within five blocks loudly cheered the victory.  My colleagues hugged each other and then myself.  We New Romforders are a resilient bunch, but something about being transformed into a dinosaur and almost lose our humanity really did a number on us.

    Charlene, if you’re reading this, I’ll see you when I get home.

  • Peace Force, Army Rounding Up Dino Army

    Peace Force, Army Rounding Up Dino Army

    By Chase Chapley

    The Peace Force seems to be at full force now as they, and the U.S. Army, are rounding up the Dino Army.  As predicted, the battle is one-sided.  The Dino Army is simply no match for superheroes and long range weapons.

    My colleagues and I borrowed some clothes from a store (which we’ll reimburse them for) and followed the sound of tanks and smell of laser beams down 21st St.  A T-Rex went flying past us at 18th Ave.  It was unconscious when it finally hit the ground, and then we heard the familiar blows and grunts of Titana punching another T-Rex in its face and knew how the first dinosaur became airborne.

    People were reveling in Titana punching a T-Rex in the face.  They were cheering with every blow, and my colleagues were joining in on the chants of TI-TAN-A, TI-TAN-A.  Finally, things were returning to normal.

    Titana was joined by Crater and Qu8N-J in physically rounding members of the Dino Army in an invisible force field.  They tossed or levitated roughly a dozen of them into what I can only describe as an invisible sack.  Then they flew away to more cheers and applause.