The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Dukes

  • BREAKING: People Have Turned Back Into Barbarians on Halloween; Not A Prank

    BREAKING: People Have Turned Back Into Barbarians on Halloween; Not A Prank

    barbarian castle

    By Chase Chapley

    The NRPD and Peace Force are reporting that people who have come into prolonged contact with the Seaside Castle or any barbarian objects have turned back into barbarians.  They are congregating at the Seaside Castle right now, and even though this is Halloween weekend, this is not a prank.

    Ever since Vrog was defeated some time ago, various barbarian artifacts have been found across the city, primarily in Dukes.  The Seaside Castle was the most obvious artifact and has since been turned into a tourist attraction.  An investigation showed that it contained no magical residue, so it was allowed to remain where it was and to let civilians near it.

    Apparently, the investigation should’ve been a bit more thorough.

    “I was getting my kids ready to go trick-or-treating,” said Monae Stevenson, “and I look out my window, and there’s a whole bunch of people holding swords and spears and clubs walking by.  And they’re wearing, like, animal skins.  I thought they were a weird flash mob or something, but then they started smashing cars, and I was all, uh uh, we’re staying home tonight.”

    There are multiple reports of similar people marching through the streets of Dukes, smashing cars and menacing people.  The NRPD has tried to stop them, but apparently, once the new barbarians touched them, they also turned into barbarians.  These reports have been unconfirmed by the NRPD, but several videos have emerged online showing some change happening upon contact.

    ATOM Labs has confirmed magical readings similar to Vrog’s in the vicinity of the Seaside Castle, and the Peace Force has sent several heroes to handle the situation.

    As of the writing of this article, it has been reported that the buildings adjacent to the Seaside Castle have begun to turn into barbarian structures as more people gather there.  It also appears looting has begun around here, too.  The NRPD and Peace Force has instructed anyone not turned into a barbarian to avoid the coastal areas of Dukes for the foreseeable future.

    More to come soon.

  • More Barbarian Artifacts Appear in Dukes

    More Barbarian Artifacts Appear in Dukes

    barbarian castle

    By Packie Williams

    The Seaside Castle wasn’t the only thing left over from Vrog’s brief barbarian empire.  Residents in Dukes are now finding barbarian artifacts in parks, alleys, and even their basements.

    “I was just doing some cleaning in my basement when I came across a bow and arrow,” said Shantae Williams.  “It was behind some boxes, and I’ve never taken up archery, let alone held a bow and arrow.  For a minute, I thought maybe one of my kids left it here, but they didn’t know nothing about it, and it’s real old looking, too.  Like, ancient looking.”

    “I was walking my dog through Lincoln Park,” said Keith Ho, “and my dog ran off after something.  I thought he was going after a squirrel again, but he runs back with something in his mouth.  It was a scabbard.  An old one made of leather.  I’d never seen anything like it before.”

    “I was talking out the trash to the alley,” said Joey Fontina, “and up on the fire escape, there was a helmet.  It wasn’t a bike helmet or football helmet, but like a really cool Viking helmet.  So of course, I got it down and put it on.  If you saw a sweet looking helmet, you telling me you wouldn’t put it on immediately and never take it off?  Of course you would.  I can take it off anytime I want, but why would I?  This is friggin’ awesome!”

    Authorities have heard at least a dozen more instances of barbarian artifacts, and they all carry the same magical signature as the Seaside Castle.  They assumed these were props that somehow got misplaced, but that could not be confirmed.  It’s also possible that these artifacts were left behind from Vrog’s brief barbarian empire, like the castle.

    The authorities have asked for the items to be turned over to them for study, but some have refused.  Fontina has fought everyone who tried to take his helmet and won, despite having a bad knee and no fighting experience.  Others who have given up their items have found a new hobby.  Ho has taken up fencing, and Williams has enrolled in archery lessons and has purchased four bows.

    “I don’t know what it was about finding that bow and arrow in my basement,” she said.  “But it’s like it opened up something in me, something deep down.  And primal.”

  • Barbarian Castle Becomes Tourist Attraction

    Barbarian Castle Becomes Tourist Attraction

    barbarian castle

    By Chase Chapley

    The barbarian castle in Dukes has remained in place despite Vrog’s magic no longer holding it in place.  How it remains is unknown, but the owner of the land it sits on is making the most of it.

    “It’s added a whole new dimension to the block,” said Karl Oppenheim, owner of the Seaside Shopping Centre.  “At first, I was devastated by having a castle in my shopping center, but after thinking about it for a bit, I realized this was an opportunity in the making.”

    Oppenheim has turned the castle into the Seaside Castle, a theme restaurant and party venue.  Employees are dressed in barbarian garb, and patrons are encouraged to dress up as barbarians themselves.  The courtyard has a souvenir shop and mock barbarian battles, and every Wednesday night, the Seaside Castle turns into an immersive experience.

    “Wednesday nights are so much fun,” said Oppenheim.  “People come in dressed as barbarians or we dress them up ourselves, and then we have a huge role-playing experience.  We’ll have mock battles with foam clubs, sometimes we’ll dress up as knights and do a joust, and sometimes we’ll mix up the genres and do a zombie escape run.  Basically, we take advantage of having a castle and have fun.”

    Oppenheim and ATOM Labs assured the public that Vrog’s magic no longer has any substantial effects in and around the castle, though some employees have reported feeling more aggressive than normal.  ATOM Labs said that some “residual magic is to be expected,” but that the effects are “not longterm.”  For his part, Oppenheim isn’t concerned.

    “I’ve been here the most out of anyone,” he said.  “And I feel fine.  Why?  What have you heard?  Who are you talking to?  I want names.”

    Perhaps not coincidentally, a pot dealer set up shop one block down offering a discount on their Barbarian Brownie for anyone who brings in a receipt from the Seaside Castle.

  • Apparently We All Turned Into Barbarians Last Night

    Apparently We All Turned Into Barbarians Last Night

    barbarian castle

    By Packie Williams

    In another strange-yet-normal-for-New-Romford tale, the entire city and metropolitan area of New Romford magically turned into a barbarian kingdom, and we turned into barbarian warriors and servants.

    Don’t remember it?  That’s because the magic that turned us into barbarians also erased all memory of it from our minds and from the landscape.  But a barbarian castle now exists on the coastline in Dukes, and scientists detect high amounts of magic radiation from it.

    “The rocks used to build it are ancient,” said ATOM Labs scientist, Julie Redbird.  “They’re not like any rocks in the area, and they’ve clearly been weathered down.  The magic radiation is faint, and this clearly wasn’t here yesterday morning.  It looks like it was dropped down onto the parking garage beneath it, so I hope no one was under there.”

    Crews are still excavating the ground around and underneath the barbarian castle, which stands 100 feet tall.  Initial life scans came back negative for the area, but records show that at least 30 cars were parked there last night.  The local businesses, who haven’t had any barbarian structures drop onto their properties, are naturally worried about the lack of parking spaces.

    “This area has always been had terrible parking,” said Seaside Shopping Centre  owner, Karl Oppenheim.  “The parking lot was new and helped out quite a bit, so I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

    How the barbarian castle got there is still to be determined, but the magic radiation emanating from the castle matches the signature of Vrog, a known dark sorcerer from the stone age.  Preliminary tests have shown the same faint magic signature all over New Romford, on people, buildings, and animals.  The gashes and cuts on the stones of the castle suggest a battle took place last night, probably for the fate of the world.  The Peace Force is investigating what happened but seem to be at a loss themselves.

    “The findings from ATOM Labs and scientists across the New Romford area,” read a Peace Force statement, “certainly suggest Vrog turned us all into barbarians for some unknown, yet likely nefarious, purpose.  None of our members have any recollection of last night, if it did happen in just one night as you never know with magic, but our own magic users agree that something happened.  Currently, we don’t know where Vrog is, but we will continue our search for him.”

    Unlike the Dino-Day Disaster of several months ago, this latest city-wide change incident has left minimal scars on New Romford.  Reports from around the city show ancient rocks have suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

    More information to come on this story.

  • Telepath Thief Pleads Not Guilty

    Telepath Thief Pleads Not Guilty

    By Chase Chapley

    Parker Doyle, the telepath who robbed dozens of homes in Dukes over the past several months, pled not guilty at his arraignment this morning.  He’s accused of 35 counts of larceny and 21 counts of unlawful entry of the brain.

    Doyle was captured by the Peace Force and NRPD a week ago after several months on the loose.  Professor George Quinton, the world’s greatest telepath, was tipped off to his activity through an acquaintance.  Recognizing the activity of a telepath, Quinton mind scanned Dukes for the specific brainwave frequency telepaths use to find Doyle.  The Peace Force and NRPD surrounded his apartment and made the arrest.

    Since then, Doyle has been wearing an inhibitor collar to block his telepathy.  At his arraignment, he pled not guilty to the charges against him, though legal experts don’t expect a lengthy trial.

    “He had millions of dollars worth of stolen goods and cash in his apartment when he was arrested,” said Burt Montana, legal analyst.  “It’s hard to deny that you were the one stealing all these people’s life savings when you don’t even keep it hidden in your apartment.  I guess he was using his telepathy to make people not see it.”

    Doyle‘s trial is set for four months from now.  The NRPD haven’t released any more information regarding his motives or plans for what he stole.

  • Dukes Thief Caught, and He’s A Telepath

    Dukes Thief Caught, and He’s A Telepath

    By Packie Williams

    After months of searching, the mysterious Dukes thief has been caught.  His name is Parker Doyle, and he’s reportedly a telepath.

    A tip from the most famous telepath of them all, Professor George Quinton, led the NRPD right to Doyle.  Quinton reportedly heard a story about the thefts from a friend and decided to investigate for himself.  “I had been out of town for the past few weeks,” he said, “so I wasn’t caught up on the news.  Then a friend of mine was talking, or rather thinking, about it, and I knew the signs of telepathic tampering right away.”

    After performing a quick psychic sweep of Dukes, Quinton discovered Doyle living in a modest apartment in the University District.  Quinton subdued Doyle’s telepathy until the police were able to arrest him.  In his apartment, they found all of the stolen documents, bonds, and jewelry.  They had their man.

    What exactly Doyle was planning to do with all the money and items he stole hasn’t been determined yet.  The NRPD think he was going to purchase something big, but that case may take longer to solve.  According to sources inside the NRPD, Doyle did not have a computer, tablet, or smart phone in his apartment.  He did not keep journals or mail.  He apparently didn’t even have writing utensils.  Whatever he was planning is locked within his mind, and his telepathy has now be locked shut with an inhibitor collar.

    Doyle is being held at NRPD Headquarters as the police investigate his crimes.  Now it seems that Dukes can sleep easier with Doyle behind bars.

  • More Thefts in Dukes; Police: ‘We Will Stop This’

    More Thefts in Dukes; Police: ‘We Will Stop This’

    dukesthefts

    By Packie Williams

    The pressure on the NRPD to end the mysterious Dukes thefts is rising as another spat of homes were robbed yesterday.  In total, 59 homes have been robbed, and the NRPD have classifieds these as robberies.

    “These are without a doubt the work of a superhuman,” said Police Commissioner Trombeau.  “Someone is breaking into people’s homes and stealing their possessions.  We’re not sure who is doing this, but we will stop this.”

    Mayor Lawrence has tasked every police officer in the Downtown and Dukes boroughs with finding any bit of information they can.  “We’re still recovering from the Dino-Day Disaster,” he said, “and this cannot continue when people are trying to get back on their feet.”  When asked if the Peace Force would be asked to join the investigation, Lawrence said, “We haven’t gotten to that level yet.  Some of the smaller, street-level heroes may be on the case as we speak, but I can’t say whether or not that’s happening.”

    The thefts all have left the home owners’ scratching their heads as to how the thief entered their houses and emptied their bank accounts.  Often, they are left in a daze some time after the theft, which may mean their minds or bodies were tampered with in some way.  This would be a powers-based assault, and if convicted, can lead to at least 10 years in prison, depending on severity.

    But the physical assault is no match for the psychological assault.  “I just don’t know how to protect my family, right now,” said Jim Carter-Scholl, whose house was robbed yesterday afternoon.  “Locks and safes didn’t stop this, whatever it was, so I don’t know what to do now.  That’s what really scares me.”