The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.

Apparently We All Turned Into Barbarians Last Night

  • Home
  • Local
  • Apparently We All Turned Into Barbarians Last Night

barbarian castle

By Packie Williams

In another strange-yet-normal-for-New-Romford tale, the entire city and metropolitan area of New Romford magically turned into a barbarian kingdom, and we turned into barbarian warriors and servants.

Don’t remember it?  That’s because the magic that turned us into barbarians also erased all memory of it from our minds and from the landscape.  But a barbarian castle now exists on the coastline in Dukes, and scientists detect high amounts of magic radiation from it.

“The rocks used to build it are ancient,” said ATOM Labs scientist, Julie Redbird.  “They’re not like any rocks in the area, and they’ve clearly been weathered down.  The magic radiation is faint, and this clearly wasn’t here yesterday morning.  It looks like it was dropped down onto the parking garage beneath it, so I hope no one was under there.”

Crews are still excavating the ground around and underneath the barbarian castle, which stands 100 feet tall.  Initial life scans came back negative for the area, but records show that at least 30 cars were parked there last night.  The local businesses, who haven’t had any barbarian structures drop onto their properties, are naturally worried about the lack of parking spaces.

“This area has always been had terrible parking,” said Seaside Shopping Centre  owner, Karl Oppenheim.  “The parking lot was new and helped out quite a bit, so I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

How the barbarian castle got there is still to be determined, but the magic radiation emanating from the castle matches the signature of Vrog, a known dark sorcerer from the stone age.  Preliminary tests have shown the same faint magic signature all over New Romford, on people, buildings, and animals.  The gashes and cuts on the stones of the castle suggest a battle took place last night, probably for the fate of the world.  The Peace Force is investigating what happened but seem to be at a loss themselves.

“The findings from ATOM Labs and scientists across the New Romford area,” read a Peace Force statement, “certainly suggest Vrog turned us all into barbarians for some unknown, yet likely nefarious, purpose.  None of our members have any recollection of last night, if it did happen in just one night as you never know with magic, but our own magic users agree that something happened.  Currently, we don’t know where Vrog is, but we will continue our search for him.”

Unlike the Dino-Day Disaster of several months ago, this latest city-wide change incident has left minimal scars on New Romford.  Reports from around the city show ancient rocks have suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

More information to come on this story.

Tags: