The New Romford Free Press

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BREAKING: Titana and Positron Destroy Barbarian Orb, Return City to Normal (Again) (For Now)

By Chase Chapley After tangling with barbarians at the Seaside Castle, Titana and Positron destroyed a barbarian orb by throwing it into the sun, returning the city and citizens back to normal (again). Hundreds of people magically turned back into barbarians tonight after prolonged exposure to various barbarian artifacts left over from Vrog’s brief reign over New Romford.  They became violent and began to loot and pillage as they headed to the Seaside Castle.  The… Read More

BREAKING: People Have Turned Back Into Barbarians on Halloween; Not A Prank

By Chase Chapley The NRPD and Peace Force are reporting that people who have come into prolonged contact with the Seaside Castle or any barbarian objects have turned back into barbarians.  They are congregating at the Seaside Castle right now, and even though this is Halloween weekend, this is not a prank. Ever since Vrog was defeated some time ago, various barbarian artifacts have been found across the city, primarily in Dukes.  The Seaside Castle… Read More

Barbarian Castle Becomes Tourist Attraction

By Chase Chapley The barbarian castle in Dukes has remained in place despite Vrog’s magic no longer holding it in place.  How it remains is unknown, but the owner of the land it sits on is making the most of it. “It’s added a whole new dimension to the block,” said Karl Oppenheim, owner of the Seaside Shopping Centre.  “At first, I was devastated by having a castle in my shopping center, but after thinking… Read More

Ask Julia: How Does Magic Work?

By Julia Crumpleman Hello, fellow New Romforders!  Today’s question comes from Bobby from way out in Carterson. How does magic work?  We all turned to barbarians.  I don’t know what that means, but my dad said it’s like Lord of the Rings, and I don’t really know what that is ether [sic].  What is Lord of the Rings? Well, Bobby, you got two questions in at once!  Normally, I don’t allow it, but I think… Read More

Apparently We All Turned Into Barbarians Last Night

By Packie Williams In another strange-yet-normal-for-New-Romford tale, the entire city and metropolitan area of New Romford magically turned into a barbarian kingdom, and we turned into barbarian warriors and servants. Don’t remember it?  That’s because the magic that turned us into barbarians also erased all memory of it from our minds and from the landscape.  But a barbarian castle now exists on the coastline in Dukes, and scientists detect high amounts of magic radiation from… Read More

Montezuma Breaks Nilrem Out of ‘Magic Jail’

By Skip Daverman K’MANI REALM – Montezuma broke the mad magician, Nilrem, out of “magic jail,” as the K’Mani Realm is more commonly known, using his winged serpent, Quetzalcoatl. Experts have theorized that Montezuma has come back to life due to some sort of magic, if indeed it is the Montezuma of the Aztecs who died during the Spanish invasion into Mexico in 1520 and not a clone or robot.  The source of this magic… Read More

A Note About the ‘FROGS FROGS FROGS’ Article

By Chase Chapley As many of you have no doubt seen, we had an article posted that was entitled “FROGS FROGS FROGS” and consisted of primarily the word “frogs” with a smattering of “GORM”.  I will attempt to explain this bizarre situation to the best of my abilities. I was placed under a magic spell along with many of my colleagues here in the office.  We assume that the source of the spell was a… Read More