The New Romford Free Press

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Pumpkin Pi Succombs to Fire, His One Weakness


By Muffy Borgeron

Math-themed supervillain with a pumpkin for a head, Pumpkin Pi, was severely injured in a chemical fire in his workshop in Norwoods last night.  He’s currently being treated for third-degree burns and charring at ATOM Labs.

Pumpkin Pi, whose real name is unknown, stole several drums of chemicals from Spade Chemical Plant a week ago.  In his secluded workshop in Norwoods, which was an abandoned bakery, Pi was apparently using his stolen chemicals in various experiments.  What he was brewing is unknown, but it doesn’t matter anymore as they all blew up in his face.  Literally.

The explosion could be seen for dozens of blocks, and some people from Bexton claimed to have seen it from the top of their buildings.  Pi received  a near direct hit from the blast, and he sustained several third-degree burns on his flesh body and severe charring on his gourd head.  The NRFD put out the fire and was able to recover Pi from the fire, alive but unconscious.  At least they think he was unconscious.

“It’s really hard to figure out if someone’s unconscious or not when they don’t have a typical brain head,” said one unnamed firefighter.  “Like, how am I supposed to tell if he’s awake or not?  Slap him on his pumpkin noggin?  Are those seeds and string stuff his brain?  And it’s not like he had eyes and a mouth or anything.  Those were just drawn on with a marker.  How the heck did he see or talk?”

No matter how his head works, Pi’s flesh body was easier to deal with as it’s just a normal human body until the neck.  The NYFD was able to get a pulse and hear his heartbeat and called it good.  ATOM Labs is treating him and his injuries under armed guard.  No one else was in the building at the time of the explosion.