By Skip Daverman
MOSCOW – The creature inside the Russian asteroid has emerged, and it appeared to be a giant dog from outer space. Despite having been confined to a small rock for so long, the 100-foot space dog was in good spirits.
It began to run around the containment area, barking and jumping. The ground shook with every bounce, and it took all of Ural’s strength to make the space dog sit. Somehow, it understood Ural’s verbal command, surprising everyone. “If it is from outer space,” said a scientist who has been monitoring the asteroid since it landed, “how would it understand Russian? Is it originally from Earth, or is it a psychic shape-shifting monster, preying on our species’ close relationship to the dog to lure us into a false sense of security so that it may one day infect our brains and take control of our minds to rule the Earth as its wretched slaves?”
“Or maybe it’s a lonely psychic shape-shifting monster and just wants to play fetch and such?”
After several minutes of scratching its giant belly, Ural uprooted a tree and threw it several miles away, and the giant space dog dutifully retrieved it. Then it licked Ural’s face, and its saliva created a pond.
Eventually, Ural and the Russian scientists decided to move it to a less populated area for further study. “After all,” said the scientist, “if it is a psychic shape-shifting monster, we should at least see if it’s radioactive or evil. Maybe its saliva does the mind control part. Maybe.”