By Skip Daverman
MEXICO CITY, Mexico – The recently resurrected Aztec ruler, Montezuma, randomly attacked many skyscrapers in downtown Mexico City today after apparently learning what “Montezuma’s Revenge” means today.
Riding Quetzalcoatl, Montezuma whipped the giant feathered serpent’s tail around a dozen skyscrapers, smashing windows and injuring hundreds. This time, he gave no speeches. He just lashed out at random buildings for a half hour as the local police tried to take him down.
Mexican superhero, El Toro, flew into the battle and was having little effect on Quetzalcoatl. The serpent slashed off one of the wings of El Toro’s plane, causing him to make an emergency landing on top of a nearby building. He survived and used his grappling hooks to get to a rooftop.
By then, Montezuma was standing on top of skyscraper, waiting for El Toro. According to the superhero, Montezuma said, “You want my revenge? Here it is.” Then he dropped his loincloth and defecated onto the rooftop. Montezuma made an offensive gesture to El Toro, presumably another thing he’s learned recently, climbed back on top of Quetzalcoatl, and teleported away.
All in all, no one was seriously injured in the attack, and Montezuma didn’t take anyone hostage or make any demands. El Toro reportedly took a sample of Montezuma’s feces for analysis in hopes of being able to track him.
He left the rest of the feces for the police to clean up.