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Area Man Gets Lost in Portal Hidden in Snuggie

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By Muffy Borgeron

A man from Arleen fell into a mystic portal to another world when he put on his new Snuggie last night.

Terry Upton, 47, a contractor from Arleen, bought a new navy blue Snuggie at a Walgreen’s while coming home from work in New Romford yesterday evening.  Security footage from the Walgreen’s shows the Snuggie being placed on the rack three days ago along with four others without any apparent mishandling to the portal Snuggie since then.  Upton purchased it along with a case of beer and two bags of chips.

Later that night, at home, he put on the new Snuggie and was sucked into it, according to Upton’s boyfriend, Jon Cheong.

“We had just finished eating dinner and cleaning up,” said Cheong, “and he bought a new Snuggie.  His last one got torn up by our dogs, and we didn’t think anything of it, the new one, you know?  I was in the kitchen when he put it on, and I heard a weird noise and then Terry was screaming.  I ran in, and he was being sucked into the Snuggie like it was a black hole, and he was gone.  Where did he go?”

Cheong was understandably shaken up by the experience, and investigators have secured the Snuggie in a metal container.  They found trace ion particles in the home, confirming that a portal had opened up from the Snuggie.   Investigators have  seized all the Snuggies from the Walgreen’s that sold it and are tracking down every Snuggie that was came from that batch.  The manufacturer of Snuggies has also been contacted by investigators, and they are cooperating.

ATOM Labs is working with the investigation, but for now, people will have to be fearful of their Snuggies sucking them up into a portal to who knows where.

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