The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.

Giant Feet Descend Over Australia

By Buffy Bolivar

SYDNEY, Australia – In one of the more bizarre events in a world full of bizarre events, two pairs of giant feet have begun to descend from the sky over the Australian Outback.

The giant feet are human-looking but gray in color.  Estimates put them in the range of 5-10 miles in length and 10-20 miles above the ground, but officials have set up a perimeter around the feet, so more accurate measurements are difficult to obtain.  As if their sudden appearance wasn’t bizarre enough, no one can see to what the feet lead.

“The feet go up into the sky,” said Jared Foster, one of the first to witness the feet, “and their ankles fade into the sky.  And they don’t seem to be moving, or if they are, they’re moving really slow.  It feels like they could just drop and land at any point, and it’s very unsettling.”

The feet are also facing each other, which seems significant as well.  The Peace Force has sent superheroes to the upper atmosphere to see what is attached to the feet, but as viewed from the ground, they fade into nothing in the stratosphere.  The Peace Force also detected energy waves similar to portals but insist the energy is not dangerous or allowing anything else to come through along with the feet.

“It seems like they’re coming through a portal,” said Professor Stratosphere, a reserve Peace Force member and expert on the upper atmosphere and portals.  “But it appears to be contained to just their bodies, which is remarkable.  Portals are rarely this clean.  And they are still coming out of the portal, too.  Just very slowly.  I don’t know who these creatures are, but I hope they’re benevolent because they are incredibly enormous.”

The Peace Force will station several members in Australia to assist with the local government in assessing the danger posed by the giant feet, especially if they were to land at any point.  How they suddenly appeared out of nowhere is another mystery, but storms blew across the continent for the past three days, and that probably provided cover.  It’s unknown whether the storms and the feet are related.

As for how fast the feet are traveling through the portal, “It’s about one meter every 6 hours,” said Professor Stratosphere.  “Assuming that’s a constant rate, it could take decades for the beings to finally make it all the way through their portals.  That also assumes their bodies are in proportion to their feet and our estimates to their heights are correct.  For all we know, they could be dwarves.”

“Yes, dwarf giants.  I get how that’s humorous.  It wasn’t a joke.”