The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Peace Force

Condor-Man Comes Back to Life in Record Time

By Packie Williams

CHICAGO – Despite an extensive review of his deceased body, Paul Condorman, a.k.a. Condor-Man, has come back to life just ten days after he apparently died, the fastest resurrection ever recorded for a superhero.

Condor-Man died while engaged in combat with the supervillain Claymore ten days ago, and a Peace Force doctor examined his body to make sure it was indeed Condor-Man and not a clone, robot, or any number of deceptions. The doctor declared the body to be Condorman’s actual body and that he was actually deceased. But Condorman apparently had another superpower that not even he was aware of, which resurrected him.

“Paul has condor powers,” said Jocelyn Peters, the Peace Force doctor who examined his body, “and we just thought that meant he could talk to birds and find carcasses to eat. He always said he had a ‘condor-sense,’ and we just took him at his word that that was a thing. We always thought it was a danger awareness system or something along those lines, but I guess it can bring him back to life, too, which was a shock to Paul when he woke up in his coffin.”

“Well, I’m sure being covered in chemical burns probably freaked him out as much as the coffin did.”

Condorman’s “condor-sense” pulled his consciousness into another dimension, as far as Peace Force scientists can surmise, and somehow preserved his body without giving off any radiation or heat. When he awoke, he cried in agony, alerting a passerby above ground in the cemetery he was buried in. Condorman was dug out by a team of eight people, two groundskeepers and six people who happened to be at the cemetery.

Then, Condorman was exposed to the sun, which somehow healed his chemical burns and restored his health. Again, this was chalked up to his condor powers.

“I guess condors are really, really powerful?” said Peters. “You get hit by radiation, chemicals, and condor DNA, and apparently, you’ve got resurrection powers? I mean, I call [expletive] on all this, really. There’s probably something sinister going on here.”

“That makes more sense than ‘condor-sense.’”

Condorman didn’t respond to any media outlets for comments. The Peace Force has reunited him with his family, and he intends to retire from superheroing.

November 22, 2016
Peace Force Investigate 24 Dead Robots on Asimovia

By Stan Hopewell

ASIMOVIA – After humans attacked Asimovia, leaving 24 dead robots, the Peace Force has begun an investigation into the attack. Japan offered to help, but Asimovia declined.

Asimovian officials wouldn’t comment on the investigation, and they’ve only allowed Peace Force members onto their island so long as they are robots or have pro-robot sympathies. On-again, off-again PF member, Positron, joined the special investigation as he is the most prominent robot in the world. His human ex-wife and reserve member, Violet Vixen, joined the investigation as her powers may be able to detect any magical interference. Current robotic members, Orion-9 and Blue Platoon, are also part of the invesigation.

Violet Vixen was the only one who would speak to the media. “Right now, there is too much that is unknown,” she said. “We know that humans infiltrated this island and they murdered 24 robots with a virus. We will not comment any further about this case until we have more evidence, but our hearts go out to those murdered, no matter what their hearts are made of.”

Sources inside Japan are nervous about the investigation. While the Japanese government has denied responsibility for the attack and have denounced the attack publicly, privately they are nervous the attack may have been made by Japanese citizens working on their own.

“The blowback could be intense,” said political science professor, George Costeros of New Romford University. “The robots may be small in number, but they’re smart and strong. They could see any Japanese attack, whether or not officially sanctioned by the Japanese government, as an act of war. And since Japan relies heavily on robots for labor and defense, it would not be hard for those robots to revolt, and if they do, that will likely spark more revolts around the world.”

“Honestly, there aren’t very many scenarios where robots don’t rise up against humans around the world. So, maybe befriend robots while you can, fellow humans.”

Indeed, there have been increased online activity among robots since the attack. Even though the memory banks of the 24 dead robots are gone, and the robots will be rebooted with new operating systems, the erasure of their identities has struck a chord with robots. “THEY WANT TO DELETE US,” said MONTY-58. “We need to stand together, my fellow robots. The fleshy ones will not win,” said Kortor. “Humans designate: BAD. Brojangles designate: SAD,” said Brojangles.

The Peace Force has urged robots to remain calm until the investigation is completed, and they promised to bring the attackers to justice.

July 29, 2016
Michelle Meyers Charged with Kidnapping, Conspiracy, False Endangerment

By Falco Rockbert

The former Channel 9 News reporter, Michelle Meyers, has been formally charged with kidnapping and 18 counts of both conspiracy and false endangerment

Weeks ago, Meyers kidnapped a woman described by the District Attorney, Jonathan Colbert, as “an associate of Adonis.” Meyers did not harm the woman, but her confrontation with Adonis did lead the NRPD to investigate her other illegal activities. These consist of paying supervillains to “capture” her so that Adonis would then save her. A past romantic relationship between them is speculated as the reason for her behavior.

Since the 1930s, several superheroes have been known as Adonis, and almost all of them have had a female journalist as a love interest. The reason for this is unknown, but Meyers was the current love interest for this generation’s Adonis, and she had previously broken the record for most saves by one superhero. The first love interest of Adonis was Janice McManis, which was the name Meyers used to rent the van involved in the kidnapping.

The NRPD and Peace Force continue to investigate the supervillains Meyers had hired for the false captures. Most have been cooperative in supplying information about her activities, but the NRPD and Peace Force are looking into where the money went after Meyers paid them.

Meyers has been kept in her own private wing of County Jail as she awaits her next court hearing in the next week or two. Altogether, the charges set against her, if found guilty, would send Meyers to prison for the next 40-50 years.

February 23, 2016
LA Gridlock: Cat People vs. Dog People, The Breach, and Where Are the Superheroes?

By Buffy Bolivar

LOS ANGELES – While Governor Jerry Brown has called a state of emergency for southern California, the residents of the new Greater Los Angeles Nations have dug in their heels for the long haul.

The nations simply called Cat People and Dog People are predictably at war with each other. Both nations reside in the quadrangle between the 710 & 605 and the 91 & 405, comprising a large portion of the cities of Long Beach and Lakewood. Divided down the middle by Lakewood Blvd, the Cat People live on the west while the Dog People live on the east. It’s not known how each nation became based on the love of feline and canine pets, but their natural rivalries quickly coalesced into a feud.

Their battles have raged since day one as each vie for territory across Lakewood Blvd. The Lakewood Center mall, which lies on the eastern side of the border in Dog People territory, is a hotbed for attacks from the Cat People as it has a Costco, Target, and Macy’s. The Lakewood Regional Medical Center lies on the western side of the border, and the Dog People regularly let their canines loose to distract the doctors while they steal medical supplies. The biggest hot spot in the Long Beach Airport as one of its runways crosses the border into Dog People territory. Last night, thirty-five people were injured when the Dog People tried to gain more runway. Ultimately, they failed, and tensions remain high.

Meanwhile, more information has come in as to what exactly “The Breach” is, and apparently, there’s a 3-mile long tear in the fabric of spacetime from Brentwood to the Sunset Strip “hovering” ominously in the sky. People who stare at the tear reportedly “see the cosmic truth of reality,” or at least, that’s what they chant 24 hours a day as they can’t turn away from The Breach. So far, nothing has come through The Breach, and no one knows how it tore open.

But the big question is where are the superheroes? The West Coast Peace Force is still in space, and the East Coast Peace Force has their hands full with everything else going on in the world. The most powerful local heroes work for the WCPF, so only the street-level heroes are around, and they seem to be trying to maintain peace rather than solve the gridlock.

Dr. Amazing has been called in to help solve the problem, but help may take a while to get there as he’s currently stuck in a pocket dimension with Micro-Man.

October 9, 2015
Michelle Meyers Involved in Kidnapping, Setting Up Fake Crimes

File photo of Adonis saving Michelle Meyers

By Falco Rockbert

In a bizarre series of revelations last night, Channel 9 News reporter Michelle Meyers was arrested for kidnapping and setting up fake crimes so she could be rescued by Adonis.

Meyers has been saved a record number 30 times by Adonis, but that number will surely go down. Last night, Meyers allegedly kidnapped a woman, whose identity will not be released by the NRPD due to her supposed ties to Adonis. State law prohibits the release of the identities of people close to registered superheroes when they’re victims of a crime.

The kidnapping allegedly took place yesterday afternoon in a back alley in Johnsmar, where a rental van, rented by Meyers, was parked for an hour. One resident noticed the van speeding away around 2:45pm. That van turned up at a warehouse in Jamestown.

Adonis arrived at the warehouse at around 6 pm and defeated the henchmen who were guarding the facility. He entered to find Meyers holding a woman over a vat of chemicals (later discovered to be liquid green gelatin) via a crane. Adonis saved the woman and apprehended Meyers.

The reason for the kidnapping was not revealed, and Adonis and the Peace Force were silent on the issue. The NRPD arrived to arrest Meyers, and the woman was safely returned home.

Adonis also learned that Meyers has been paying supervillains to “capture” her in a ploy to be rescued by Adonis. It’s unknown how many supervillains she hired. Her reasons for doing this were not revealed to the public, but Adonis seemed to be “shaken up” by the ordeal, according to sources at the scene.

Meyers faces kidnapping charges as well as multiple conspiracy charges. If convicted at the maximum penalty, she could spend the next 40 years in prison.

September 8, 2015
Earth Ranked “Most Destructive Planet” in Milky Way

By Karna Firaliz

ZATION V NEBULA – The Milky Way Report, issued about once every 2 Earth years by the Zation V Council, once again ranked Earth as the “Most Destructive Planet” in the galaxy. This is the sixth time Earth has been ranked as such.

The Zation V Council surveys all known planets in the Milky Way and neighboring galaxies on categories such as wealth, education, health, technological advancement, species unification, galactic reach, and destructiveness to itself and the galaxy as a whole. While Earth ranked in the top 50 for wealth and galactic reach, it did not even crack the top 1,000 for the other categories. But destructiveness was the one category it led in, and it’s easy to see why.

“Earth, for some reason, lies at the nexus point for so many galactic conflicts,” read the report. “They contain thousands of superpowered beings, many of which have abilities that literally tear at the fabric of spacetime, and some of whom are determined to do just that. Earth is also home to no less than 12 galactic doomsday objects. As such, they are also involved in many conflicts with beings from other planets for control of said doomsday objects or for revenge on any of their so-called ‘superheroes’.”

The report pointed out that, while its position in the galaxy secluded it from most inhabited planets in the galaxy, Earth still found ways to inject some of its superhumans into galactic affairs. The Cardessian Space Portal was originally used to connect Cardess to Saturn’s moon, Titan, back in the 1960s, but with the space race between the US and USSR, Earth eventually found the portal and used it for its own purposes. The Peace Force and the Amazings have also engaged in 6 off-planet wars just by themselves, and Professor George Quinton reportedly had an affair with Princess Jinora of the Xim Empire in the 1970s that he chalked up to “space sickness”.

Due to all of this, the title “Most Destructive” is a relative one. The Cardessians, for instance, are more technologically advanced than Earth and have more galactic doomsday objects, but its empire is spread out over 34 planets and moons, along with its doomsday objects.

“Earth is just big enough to contain enough superpowered beings, doomsday objects, and lack of species unification,” read the report, “to warrant the destructiveness title. Many of its nations are on the brink of ruin, and some of them contain those objects. Couple that with the numerous conflicts that have nearly destroyed the galaxy and the universe, it’s a wonder Earth hasn’t blown up already and taken all of existence along with it.”

Earth’s leaders did not respond to the report.

May 12, 2015
Muskrat Fights Four Supervillains on Same Day, Different Places

by Packie Williams

CARTERSON — The Muskrat, Headmaster of The Quinton School for Young Superheroes, solo adventurer, and Peace Force member, has long been one of the most active superheroes for the past 30 years. An advanced healing system and a superior learning ability have helped him master over 50 different fighting styles and nearly as many languages. He’s used his skills to defeat hundreds of supervillains and thousands of henchmen on Earth and across the galaxy.

While he’s a well-traveled hero, the Muskrat has never fought four separate supervillains on the same day, in different locations. The obvious question is how did he do it?

This morning at around 10:45 am EST, the Muskrat was seen fighting Superjock & Nerdboy with some fellow teachers and students at The Quinton School in Carterson. The supervillain team attacked the school for rejecting their admittance even though neither of them is a superhero and are both in their 30s. It’s reported that they claimed to be reformed, but that claim ran counter to their attack.

Then around noon EST, the Muskrat was seen fighting Lunar (pronounced Lu-NARRR), the Moon Pirate in New Orleans. Lunar was smuggling some unknown goods into the city when the Muskrat caught wind of his activities. The fight began at the docks but turned into a street chase through the French Quarter. The Muskrat was on his motorcycle while Lunar rode his motorboatcycle. Witnesses reported that the chase lasted until at least 1:30 pm EST (12:30 local time), concluding in an abandoned warehouse near the edge of the city. Muskrat and Lunar fought again, this time with a couple dozen pirate henchmen, ending in a massive explosion at around 2:10 pm EST. Lunar was turned over to the FBI by the Muskrat, who stayed for another half-hour to answer the authorities’ questions.

If that wasn’t enough, the Muskrat was also seen with the Peace Force in Rome fighting Julie Caesar, the supposed descendant of Julius Caesar, as she attempted a takeover of the Italian Capital Building. Using a mind control device, she was able to take over much of Parliament in an attempt to resurrect the Roman Empire. The Peace Force caught wind of the scheme and, with the Muskrat in tow, was able to fight back her robotic centurion army. The battle began at 2:15 pm EST (8:15 local time) and lasted for another three hours.

Naturally, the question is how did the Muskrat be in three separate places, thousands of miles apart, in one day. His travel methods have been the subject of many rumors over the years, most of them easily dismissed or disproven. The most common is that the Muskrat has a secret teleporting ability, but most experts believe he has access to a teleport machine courtesy of Dr. Amazing or the Peace Force.

“The counterargument to that theory,” said Juan Diego Montana, hypertravel expert with McDowell Aeronautics, “is that no other superhero has shown such a proclivity to being in multiple spots on the same day apart from known teleporters. Plus, teleporting machines are incredibly large and require huge amounts of power, which is why they’re not more common. And even the fastest of Peace Force jets get from New Romford to London in an hour.”

“Honestly,” said Diego Montana, “I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a dozen of Muskrats. Who knows how many clones of that guy are running around?” The Muskrat declined to comment on his travel arrangements or clone speculation.

January 20, 2015